Every night we check on the boys before we go to sleep. We make sure they're covered, that Josh isn't about to fall off the bed. If Elliot's leg is hanging between a crib slat we gently tuck it back in. I can't see Elliot's face in his room because it's so dark. Every nightlight he's had either got stolen by Josh or taken out by Elliot in the day. But in Josh's room I can see him well thanks to his new fangled Santa nightlight that "chases the monsters away". And when I check on Josh I pause for a moment and gaze at his sweet sleeping face. I listen to his soft breath and take in his scent that permeates the room. I try to picture how he'll look when he's too grown up for me to check on him, and I try to remember how he looked when he was a baby. I'm in love with that boy every night in that moment. No matter how challenging he is in the day, I still pause and smile to see him sleeping at night.

Some day I'll get a nightlight in Elliot's room again so I can gaze at him as well.