The trip to Lubbock was good. I was busy the whole time caring for Joshua but I enjoyed seeing a few great friends and spending some more time with my mom. I spent the whole day of Christmas preparing for the trip. I packed my stuff early in the day then packed Josh’s that evening before leaving. I was lucky enough to get a couple hours rest late in the afternoon. I think that helped me at around 1am when I was crossing the panhandle towards Lubbock. I took the more direct and scenic route using 380 out of Denton and 114 into Lubbock. Along the way between Guthrie and Dickens I saw- not kidding here- nearly two dozen deer along the road eating grass, 3 coyote, 4 skunks (only one was alive and it was scurrying off the road side), and a hand full of rabbits. It was crzy and entertaining to see so many animals. My imagination kept expecting to see a deer standing in the road at any moment so I decided to sit up a little more, use two hands and flash my brights periodically to scan for more life. Obviously no animals were hit (or you’d had heard about it by now). I listened to an audio book on the way too: A Short History of Nearly Everything. It combines two subjects I am most interested in- science and history- starting with what’s out in space and how we came to find out about it.

My Mom is such a Grandma. Her voice changed an octave higher upon handling, seeing or talking to Josh. She played with him almost the whole time. And he had a darn good time! We went to the park the first day to swing and feed ducks but the lake was drained. Weird. My mom thought she smelled sewage as we neared the muddy remains of the city-made lake. I don’t know why the water was drained but it didn’t matter too much. Birds and ducks were still landing in it.

My mom’s house is slowly falling apart. Although she warned me, I was surprised to see the water damage on her ceiling in the living room. Her roof has a persistent leak that several roofers have been unable to fix. So she doesn’t want to spend the money on repairing her ceiling until the roof is fixed. Makes sense. In addition to water damage, she needs to paint the exterior, replace carpet and install a working dishwasher handed down from a friend. Inside she has appliances working well beyond their life expectancy. If her refrigerator was a person, it would have few teeth and severe cataracts. If her microwave was a person, it would be senile and require a walker everywhere. If her washer was a person, it would be dipping into retirement funds to make ends meet before the family gets involved. If her television/DVD/video system was a person, it would be alive by some miracle of science and have the impending doom that some day, any day now, it will die. According to Raymond, I am young and just don’t understand the value in older appliances that clearly need to be replaced. Bah! I support our economy by replacing appliances that are somewhat dysfunctional or greatly outdated.

During my two day trip Joshua had runny poo. I wasn’t sure if it was diarrhea or just persistent runny soft stool. When I get diarrhea I can diagnose it quickly. But with Josh always growing, changing, trying new foods, and having recovered froma recent cold, I wasn’t sure. To be safe, I got some LiquiLytes mix and called the pediatrician’s office to double check that there was nothing I could do. In two days we went through 16 diapers, most of them on Monday. He’s been pooing day and night, often just a little comes out after passing gas but that’s enough to require a new diaper.

So the whole motivation to going to Lubbock after Christmas was to visit with Matt, Oana and Emily over lunch. We met up at Jalisco’s Taqueria on Ave. Q near 19th street. They have really good Mexican food there. Oana, Matt’s girlfriend, is Canadian and this was her first visit to Texas. Having Mexican food for lunch was part of her tour. Emily joined us after driving all the way from Canyon. She didn’t know I was in town until she walked into the restaurant and saw me. Actually, I talked to her on the phone while she drove in making her believe I was in Dallas and wishing I was there to have lunch. She was quite surprised to see me (and Josh) but soon got over being tricked.

After lunch we went to Maxi Park to feed birds and let Josh play at the playground. By “play”, I mean we put him in the baby swing for a bit, let him hold onto some bars, I held him while Emily gently bounced him up and down on the toddler sized see-saw and he sat watching kids play for a little bit.

At the end of my trip I stopped by Raymond’s home to visit for a little bit before leaving town. I regretted that I only had an hour to spend there. If Josh was in an infant car seat or if I wasn’t leaving town that evening I would have been there at least another hour or more. He had over a friend from Boulder named Marsha who happens to share my birthday- September 18th. She and I had several quirky similarities including an interest in language and cultural anthropology. Anyway, Ray was glad to finally see Josh. The next time I’m in town I’ll need to make more time to visit.

The trip home was uneventful. Not nearly as many animals, only a few deer. Same as going there, I didn’t have any cars visible in front of me or behind me between Ralls and Seymour. After Seymour there was one vehicle far in the distant in front of me that I eventually caught up with at a red light in one of the small towns. Along Hwy. 380 outside of Denton I saw a shooting star which made me scan the sky for about 15 minutes in hops of seeing another one. By the last stretch I was getting very sleepy so I called my mom and we chat while I drove the last 30 miles towards home.

Wednesday is a blur to me. I was sooooo sleep deprived the next day after being home. Josh woke up constantly Tuesday night after we got home. I tried to nap and rest on Wednesday but he didn’t take any lengthy naps. Last night he was up a lot too. If it weren’t for a long nap this morning I would likely be in bed now exhausted instead of journaling. I hadn’t been so tired since Josh’s first and second months when it took forever to get him back to sleep each night. It seems like the more sleep I get these days, the more I want. Now that Josh can sleep 6 hours or longer in a stretch, you’d think I wouldn’t feel as tired any more. Sleep begets sleep and I usually wish I could be getting sleep! ;-)

Random thoughts…
New favorite quote from Garrison Keillor of Prairie Home Companion: “Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.”

Joshua updates- he learned to clap his hands this week, he can somehow growl/purr by passing air over a very relaxed throat and tongue, and he’s taken interest in biting my arms and shoulders when he’s excited. Biting is bad. He’s got the sharpest teeth!

Knowing my reading audience I won’t lament on my conversation with Emily about getting older. No matter how old you are or how much you weigh or whatever you are in life, there’s always a crowd to remind you that they are more so than you. I don’t talk about losing weight or getting older or my birth story unless it comes up in conversation b/c either someone had it worse and they’ll remind you that your situation, no matter how valuable it is to you, is nothing compared to their ordeal, or that you’ve got it so easy or so good that speaking of it is almost bragging. “Oh I’d give anything to be where you are…” I’ve heard that about weight, age, the newness of being a mother, and other instances. Anyway, we’re planning a small calm New Years Eve thing at our house. I bring up the age thing because a couple friends have mentioned recently how they don’t think they can keep up like they did when they were younger. They can’t drink as much or stay up as late or don’t get thrills from huge parties or get urges to do something crazy. While I always have the urge to do something crazy, I feel a winding down too. Being a new mom doesn’t help either.

We're back from our trip to Lubbock. In a nutshell it was a successful visit. However Josh was up 6 times between 2am and 6am. So needless to say, I'm exhausted with a capitol Z! More to come after some rest and recovery.

Josh has changed his sleep routine. He used to fall asleep at night easily after a bottle or breastfeeding. The last couple of nights he's fought his bedtime. I have to rock (bounce) him on my shoulder or in my arms until he's at least somewhat sleepy. One the bright side, he is getting better at going to sleep when laid down drowsy. But it's still not a reliable technique. He's also arching his back sometimes when I hold him sideways in an attempt to rock him. This drives me crazy! I hate it when he does this. It's as if he's trying to roll the other way or fling himself from my arms. He'll do this whether hes fussy or just being his normal happy self.

We took him to the park today where he sat in an infant swing for the first time. He love that! I got a few cute pictures of him having fun. We also slid him a few feet down a small slide a few times. He didn't like this as much though. I don't think he's old enough to appreciate slides yet. He enjoyed watching the other kids play. I think I'll take him to the park in Lubbock too now that I know he'll have a good time.

Rusty & I played Santa today delivering gifts to our friends around town. A few people are looking for a quiet, non-crazy way to ring in the new year. We're starting to organize plans for a cheese and wine get-together for a few close friends. I welcome this party concept because it allows us to celebrate in a small way while ensuring Joshua is cared for without buying a babysitter. yaaaaay.

Lots to blog about:
Upset tummy
Pacifier weaning
Morning poo
Mom's visit
Upcoming trip

Wednesday night was not a good night for Joshua. Something gave him an upset tummy that caused him to throw up everywhere only an hour after going to bed. Rusty heard him stir so he went in the nursery and inserted a pacifier thinking that was all was needed. Usually this is the case, especially so close to being laid down for the night. I happen to go in just second after Rusty left the room to put something away when I heard the awful splashing sound of liquid being tossed in the crib. I yelled for Rusty to help as I picked up Josh to soothe him. He threw up again four more times while I held him. It was terrible smelling, like real vomit, not the usual spit up after a bottle. Weird detail: he didn't cry at all except in his crib right before the drama. I was worried that something was really wrong and insisted Rusty call the pediatrician or his mom to see if someone had advice. Luckily his mom answered. She advised we get him cleaned and get him to sleep as soon as possible. Josh was looking sleepy despite his throwing up and the bright lights in the kitchen. We used a warm wet cloth to wash him and then the sound that everything was ok: hiccups! I rocked him a little bit then laid him down to seep. The room stank, his laundry stank, his head stank, I stank. The next day was as if nothing happened. He slept well, ate well. and was in good spirits all day.

Since his cold last weekend, he's taking the pacifier less and less. Lately he's found his fingers and thumb to be a fine substitute. I'm going to take this opportunity and slowly wean him from the pacifier. He still likes one when I lay him down for sleep. That will

be the last hurdle to weaning him completely. Nap times are 50/50 with pacifiers, but night is almost always with a binky. I figure it's easier to try it now than when he's older.

The last several mornings have been started with changing a poopy diaper. For some reason Josh has been pooing early in the morning at around 6am. This is not fun. There's no subtle way to clean a poopy bottom. Then getting him back to sleep is unlikely. He just tosses and turns eventually making squeals in his crib until I can't sleep.

My mom can to visit early this week. It was her Christmas trip. We did a gift exchange, ate pot roast, played with Josh, the usual. I've realized the immense power of grandparents first hand. My mom was so much fun to play with Josh fought all of his naps and hardly fussed the whole time she was here. He was exhausted by the time she left and slept 2 hours in his car seat after I dropped her off at the airport.

I'm going to Lubbock on Sunday night/early Monday morning. I decided to leave Christmas Day night when Josh is ready to fall asleep. I expect to roll into town around 1 or 2am. We'll visit friends, spend more time with my mom, go by the park (assuming the weather doesn't turn cold unexpectedly), then leave at night on Tuesday. My neurotic self has begun to overly prepare for this adventure. I'm going to make a detailed list of everything not to forget and obsess over the list until the day comes. Already I have a booster seat and jar baby food to feed Josh while out of town.

Spammers f*ing suck! It's not just email spammers we have to bother with. We have door knob spam from people wanting to clean your house and work your lawn. We have windshield spam containing coupons and ads of nearby merchants. We have mailbox spam from retailers sending catalogs, coupons, newsletters and an assortment of ads. We have blog spammers who send bogus comments hoping others reading the comments will come across it. We have search engine spammers who flood search strings with just enough key words to get your attention only to be suckered into a website packed with ads and nonsense content. We used to have phone spammers who called our houses. Luckily that is mostly stopped thanks to the Do Not Call list. I think we should treat our spammers like those who were ever jailed for crimes against a child. We should have access to their address and phone and maybe a picture if available. Let them be nervous going to the grocery store in fear someone will recognize them and throw an egg at their car. Let them get disrupted during dinner with calls from their spam victims who want to complain and vent. Spammers are the low-lifes of the business world hardly worthy of even a cent earned.

Joshua had a minor cold this weekend. His nose was runny and stuffed up but he didn't have a full on sickness- no fever, no persistent coughing, no lack of or excessive sleepiness, no uncontrollable crankiness though he was a bit fussy at the onset. His nose cleared up today allowing him to breathe normally. It reminded me that I still have not gotten him his flu shot but probably should do so soon. When the pediatrician asked me at the 6-month visit we were undecided whether he really needed one. Now we're feeling guilty about not doing it when we had the chance. We weren't thinking what-if, we were thinking he has a very low chance of coming into contact with someone who has the flu. Then we realize how faulty our thinking was: church, grocery carts, strangers saying Hi, Rusty's coworkers, friends, family... The thing is someone could be infected and contagious before they know it and could pass it on unknowingly. For coming years, a flu shot will be mandatory due to the increased exposure to other kids. My child will be fine, it's yours I'm worried about! ;-)

Rusty enjoyed a nice 4 day weekend with me. We didn't do anything spectacular in part because we had a cold. My mom is coming to town tomorrow for a visit (yay!) so we cleaned house and have a roast ready to cook for dinner. She'll have an early Christmas with us tomorrow evening then I'll see her again after Christmas when I drive to Lubbock for a couple days. Yes, I'm planning to drive to Lubbock solo with Josh for a couple days. Part of me says "Oh this will be fun, we'll get to do things, Josh will have a change of scenery, he'll have a great time..." Another part, the darker realist in me says "You're crazy, this is a bad idea in the making, so much can go wrong, what-if this, what-if that..." I hope my trip leans more towards the fantasy side where nothing goes wrong and we have a great time.

I was watching "Secretary" on Oxygen channel. For some reason this movie always- It makes me- I find I- It's just good. See it if you like unusually formed relationships.

Joshua has had a stuffy nose all day today and yesterday. Snot has blocked his airways making it nearly impossible for him to enjoy a pacifier or take a bottle without gasping for air every minute or so. We've suctioned out his nose several times and I've wiped off snot/booggers a dozen times. I can hear hi snoring through the baby monitor. Poor guy. He doesn't show any signs of being sick other than his runny stuffy nose. No fever, no excessive sleepiness or lack of energy, no uncontrollable crying (although I think the stuffy nose causes him to feel cranky). Trying to suction the nose of a baby is about like wrestling an alligator. He sees the bulb come closer then squirms moving his head every way possible protesting in the process. I have his head inclined tonight propped up on two folded baby blankets. I hope this help keep stuff from dripping into his nose even further. One bright side to stuffy noses! He can't smell which means he probably can't taste well so I've taken this opportunity to feed him chicken and other "gross" things he rejected in the past.

His stuffy nose problems aside, this week has been challenging for some reason. He became squirmy when I tried to rock him to sleep for naps and fussed a little more than usual. I seemed like I was fighting him on everything- feeding times, nap times, every time I had to set him down for a moment- he would just cry and complain. I lost my patience several times and ended up storming out of the house with him. The cool air helped me chill (no pun intended) and it distracted him from whatever was making him upset. I got mad enough to yell back a couple times- which only makes the problem worse and leaves me feeling awful and totally out of control. It's easier to act out than it is to be patient and accepting. And I mean that for many situations beyond child care. Today was much better though. Maybe it took a few days for me, for us, to adjust to some new routine of his, whether it was a shift in feeding times or the way I held him or his upcoming stuffy nose.

He out grew his car seat in October but we decided to hold off until Christmas to upgrade. I'm beginning to regret that. He's outgrown it by length not weight. I think length is far more important a reason to upgrade a car seat than weight. His buckles are at the limit pulling in tight over his shoulders and across his lap. His feet dangle off the end from his ankles. I can't believe he was so tiny just 6.75 months ago. Back then, it felt like he'd never outgrow his car seat. It seemed like all his clothes were so big. I knew but did not imagine he'd start to actually grow up. He's still a baby but some day he'll outgrow his crib, outgrow onesies, outgrow bottles, outgrow diapers, outgrow strollers, outgrow high chairs, outgrow breastfeeding, outgrow pajamas with footies, outgrow nap times, outgrow toys... For all the moments that drive me insane between Monday and Friday afternoon, I still don't want him to grow up.

Saturday night I went to a friend's house for his 31st birthday. It was between Rusty & I to go since one of us had to stay home with Josh. Rusty told me to go out, have fun, stay out late if I wanted to. He didn't have to say that twice! Right after the sermon ended at church, he was fine to watch Josh for the evening so I left. I got caught in traffic along I-75 due to an accident at Midpark but made it to Outback Steakhouse to have dinner with a group of people (Tony, Bec, Gene, Vick & Brent) before the party. They had finished their salads by the time I got there and I was able to order and eat by the time the bill was paid.

I had a really good time at Tony's mingling with everyone and taking pictures with Tony's camera. I met several cool people for the first time that night (Summer, Austin, Dan, Jeff and others I don't remember names of). I was reacquainted with familiar faces and got caught up of people's lives. Only once did I slip into "Mommy mode" by talking to the mother of a 2½ year-old boy. She shared her birth story (emergency c-section due to high blood pressure) and warned me about lack of sleep lasting as long as 15 months. Brent became increasingly entertaining as he became increasingly intoxicated. He no longer introduces himself as, "Hi, I'm Brent and I'm an asshole." He's found a lovely gal who likes his humor and passions for life. He's a lot less bitter now. Amazing what a good woman can do for the man's spirit.

I got home at 1:45. Throughout the whole night, I didn't have a drop of alcohol. I was worried that would make me feel relaxed or drowsy, not the thing I need when I'm already tired. So I drank a lot of Dr. Pepper. Enough caffiene to keep me up and going, not enogh to make me jump from wall to wall. The next day Rusty & I took turns sleeping in until early afternoon.

Josh started mouthing babbles to me this weekend. Up to now he's been mostly an 'a-a-a' type of kid. Now he's 'a-wa-ma-na-wa-la...' He seems to do this more during moments of distress such as waiting for a bottle or wanting to be picked up. Last night I asked him if he thought that was what we sounded like to him. Maybe we're just stringing incoherent sounds together. I made some jibberish talk to him and he just laughed at me. I said things like 'toka-booka-looka-soo-kaka' and 'niki-tiki-ree-ree-bah-rah-bah' and 'moona-moona-looh-dah-bah'. I got giggles everytime until he was bored with the game. He's also humming periodically. I like this babbling way better than the shrieking.

He's doing well eating mangos and banana. I've named the mixture Banango. Last night I peeled four more mangos, pureed them and froze 4 tblsp. rations in small containers. When ready to serve, I'll defrost a bit, add 3/4 a banana and mash up in a baggy. I also slipped a bit of oatmeal into the mango patch to help get rid of it. Since he doesn't like it alone, I've been mixing it into his foods to give a bit of thickness and texture.

Rusty has to work really late today. He won't be home from work until 2:30 or 3am. The trade off is a half day off tomorrow. So it's me and the babe. I hate evenings alone. It's nice to get a reprive in the evenings to cook and eat and just do something without having Josh on my hip the whole time. But at least I can anticipate it tonight and adjust my activities accordingly. Speaking of activities, today should be a good day to wash my car! I think I'll take the Jumparoo into the garage this afternoon and let Josh play while I get the grime off my car.

My dad has a saying that describesthe degree of coldness as "colder than a witches titty." That was today. Our high was in the twenties. Yeah sure we didn't have it as bad as the Northern states and Colorado, but my thin skin can't stand freezing temperatures! Despite the chill, I got out for errands today with Josh at my side. I bundled him up in a cute snow-pant-overalls given to me by my grandmother. He's mostly outgrown it, but it did fine with socks pulled up and a blanket over the car seat. We got pictures from Wolf developed, packages mailed out and I was able to find a gift on my mother-in-law's list.

I also managed to stop at the grocery store for more bananas and Joshua's next food adventure. As of tonight, he tasted mango for the first time. The first spoonful went down with success. Then he realized he really didn't like it. Each bite there after was followed by fake gagging, fake coughing, grimacing and looks in every direction by at me. I gave up after five bites. I'll save the rest for tomorrow and maybe add some banana to sweeten it. I think the mango is a little more tart than he likes. I also invested in three jars of meats: veal, lab and ham. (It seems a tad disturbing that babie are eating baby animals.) I'll try mixing one of these with a fruit or veggie to see if I can get him to take a meat successfully. I'm hoping one of these will be successful and I can start making small meals with a meat and veggie or fruit instead of just cereal and fruit. Doing that will make baby food cheaper to make at home and easier for larger batches at one time.

Josh has learned how to fake sneeze. I find this to be amusing and useful for attention. His real sneezes are loud and tend to shoot a pacifier across the room. To make his fake sneezes he blows a burst of air through his lips with his tongue half stuck out. And he'll do this over and over. He even squints his eyes like a real sneeze. Of course, he can't help but smile while doing it so I know he's just practicing. So there you go, the basics for skipping out on school and other unpleasant situations: coughing, gagging and sneezing. I'm curious about what other ailment he'll attempt next. Perhaps it will be mammammammama.

Tomorrow is the start of an action packed weekend. Tomorrow night, Rusty's company is holding their annual holiday party in Frisco. We found a couple gracious enough to watch Josh for the evening with the agreement that we will watch their baby girl one night. I'm excited to get out of the house to have fun with non-parental types. People who are consumed by their work, not babies. Saturday morning will be fun for me because I am going to the Randy Brodnax exhibit after my eye exam. I'm pretty sure I can find something super duper cool for my mum. Rusty has agreed to watch Josh that morning (sucker). We're getting our picture taken before church then I'm off again like a gazelle to a friend's 31st birthday party. Rusty is doing something on Sunday work or school related so I plan to finish my shopping then. Whew!

I hosted a playdate in the park today. I invited a handful of moms and their babies to join me at a nearby park to mingle and let our babies play near each other. The weather was stressing me out yesterday knowing it would be a high of around 55 degrees. I thought maybe I should relocate to my house instead despite having a total mess of Christmas stuff everywhere and no drinks or snacks to offer my guests. I was worried people would find this to be too chilly to hang out in the park and would not show up. I was right. ONE person out of 8 people who responded as attending showed up. Luckily we had been meaning to get together anyway so we had great conversations, compared the progress of our little boys and strolled for a bit. What vexes me though is what she said as she joined me: "___ called this morning and said she and a few others were eating lunch at __ and said I could join them if I didn't want to go to the park..." It wasn't those exact words, but close. Essentially a group of three moms decided it was too chilly for them (fair enough, I can understand that) and wanted to get out anyway to be social (again, perfectly understandable) so at least one of them invited other would-be attendees to join them for lunch if they too decided it was too cold for an outside event (now that ain't right). I think that was so tacky to steal invites. I'm sure she had good intentions. She probably thought that if someone decided it was too cool for them that they should be included and join others doing something else. But it's just not good etiquette to be proactive about it. IF someone called her to see if she was going or not then offering an alternative, this is acceptable. But she should not have called others to drum support for alternate plans. As it turned out, the weather was sunny with almost no wind. Josh was fine with a light jacket and no cap while in the sun. When we strolled in the shade of the buildings I put on his cap and covered him in a blanket and he was fine. It felt like 60+ degrees in the sun. I wonder how many people were called for the lunch and if that might have effected my turn out. It goes to show that women are a pain in the ass for men and other women.

My eyes are clearing up and adjusting nicely. I definitely enjoy the LASIK now that I've had a few days to get used to it. My night vision is not as good as it was when I had glasses, and I'm no longer at 20/15 like I was. My vision is closer to 20/20 which is a little downgrade from where I started, but I'll take that sacrifice to not have something resting on my nose all day.

I'm on top of my game for Christmas this year. I'm almost done shopping (yay) and have most of my wrapping done. I have a goal to ship the first round of boxes this weekend and have cards ready by next weekend. My only delay is waiting for online shopping to be delivered. My ultimate goal is to not be stressed out as Christmas gets closer. Nothing ruins the spirit of the season more for me than to feel rushed to get things done. Hopefully my organization skills and timing will help me enjoy the holidays for what that's worth.

Josh is getting better about sitting up. He's able to hold himself up for a minute or longer before rolling to the side or falling back. He thinks falling back onto the crib mattress or Boppy is fun. This may pose a problem when he has no soft landing. I'm a little worried I'm not teaching him to stay sitting up- for example, maybe he thinks sitting up is good for falling back instead of good for playing with toys and entertaining himself. He's rolling around and playing feet all the time. His new trick is to jump. He loves to "jump" whether he's standing on the floor supported by my hands or perched on my arm holding onto my shoulder. By "jump" I mean he sticks his butt out while bending his knees then shoots up quickly and straightens his legs. He doesn't actually catch much air under his feet but it's the right motions for jumping in the future.

I got my LASIK today. It felt weird. It didn't hurt, I wasn't scared or nervous, nothing dramatic to report. To start, I knew if I obsessed over "the big day" on Thursday I'd never get any sleep. So I spent yesterday doing normal things and not thinking about today at all. I has hoping I could put my excitement so far behind me that I'd be able to sleep and be well rested.

HA! Boy was I wrong! Josh woke up several times in the night starting at 12:30am. Then the cats decided to run around the house playing and fighting. At 2:30am I had a conversation with Darwin. I told him to chill or I'd kick him outside all night. Alright, so I didn't use those exact words. I ended up closing our bedroom door to separate the two most awake cats. I had an hour or so of sleep until Josh woke up again at 4:30am. Then it took me almost forever to fall asleep again until 6:40am when the alarm went off.

We got there right on time. Having Rusty go with me helps because he's never late to anything. Even with me missing a turn and driving around a cemetery, we got there right on time. I checked in for my appointment, coughed up my Visa to pay, held Josh for a few minutes then they called me back. The technician dude placed a hair net on my head and shoes, put drops in my eyes and lead me into an examination room. I met with Dr. Whitman (we rode in the elevator on the way up so the ice was already broken) and he explained what to expect during and after the procedure. I took my valium pill and went into the laser room. It doesn't take much for drugs to run through my system. In no time I was feeling smooth and loose, at peace with where I was. They taped one eye shut then asked me to look at a red dot. Actually there was a green an red dot. The dot turned into a huge fuzzy grainy blob as they placed an opening device over my eyeball. I think he moved my eye into position though it didn't hurt or anything. Oh yeah, they give you numbing drops before the valium. So I didn't feel anything going on with my eye. They alternate working on both eyes. First they open the cornea of the right eye, then the left. Each time it takes 30 seconds. And the nurse counted down in 10 second intervals so it didn't seem like an eternity. Then they go back and laser the cornea of each eye, again taking 30 second for each eye. After the lasering, they place drops on the eye and wipe cornea with some soft material that supposed to get rid of any air bubbles.

My vision went out during the laser part. I was able to see just a little light around the machine over my head, but nothing else. When they were finished and put in the drops I was able to see the red dot clearly and even the ceiling. I was able to see the tiles on the ceiling! Everything is in a milky fog right after the treatment. They gave me goggles to wear for the next 24 hours, even in my sleep. I went home and slept for two hours. The only time my LASIK was uncomfortable was when I woke up from my first nap. My eyes felt like I had an eyelash stuck in both eyes. It was a scratchy dry feeling. I have a cocktail of eye drops to use for the next few days. One for every hour, one every 4 hours, one just whenever my eyes feel dry.

Josh wasn't afraid of the goggles. Usually he looks scared when people were sunglasses. I think he sees it as part of the face is missing and that scares him. But since these were clear, he thought they were pretty neat. Right off the bat when I picked him after my first nap he wanted to touch the goggles and lick it. Crazy kid! Good thing I had these on though. Josh has been known to reach out on my face to explore. I was able to take a second nap in the afternoon as the valium finally wore off. My eyes look blood shot, especially on the insides closest to my nose, but this is going away as the day wears on. I don't have any discomfort at all, not even dry-eye. And the drops don't bother me a bit. Overall, it was far less intimidating than I thought it was years ago when I watched it done on TV. Tomorrow morning I go for my post-op visit. They'll examine my eyes to make sure I'm healing properly and answer any questions.

So far the big question from friends has been "does it feel different? can you see?" Of course I can see. As far as feeling different, I have to say not yet. Maybe it's because I have on these goofy looking goggles which psychologically feels like glasses. I think I'll really notice and appreciate it tomorrow when I can do things that my glasses used to get in the way of such as putting on a shirt, doing my hair, wearing sunglasses, being able to see across the bathroom during my shower... I've had 20/20 vision or better for years, it was just aided by glasses. Being able to see isn't what makes LASIK the science miracle that it is. It's being to see without anything on my face or over my eye.

I haven't breastfed Josh all day since the valium is in my system. One lactation consultant said it would be fine to resume breastfeeding the same day since the dose is so low (10 mg) and since Josh is old enough and weighs enough to handle it. But the pediatrician took a more conservative approach and recommended I wait 24 hours. I've "pumped and dumped" twice today. It's so sad to see fresh breast milk go down the drain, but alas I had to. I have a feeling he'll be fine to nurse first thing in the morning. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, like at 2am, I may give him a bottle instead of nursing him. Just to be extra cautious. I can't wait to show off my new look to everyone tomorrow! Maybe I'll make a couple surprise visits to friends. :)



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