Hoooo-weeee! Josh was a handful today! He's had breathing problems for the last fews days (that darn bronchiolitis) which makes him wake up coughing several times a night. So he's tired in the day which makes him cranky (and us cranky). I'm hoping he'll be over it by Monday so I can take him to school.

Here's my week+ planned:
Monday- work a few hours or all day (depends on whether "Boss Man" Dan is busy with clients or available to work with)
Tuesday- finish any open projects from work on Monday, pack up and clean up house
Wednesday- pack up and clean up some more
Thursday- drive Josh to Corpus Christi to see his great-grandma Kerr
Friday & Saturday- have fun while Rusty takes care of stuff around the house, like painting and refinishing wood
Sunday- drive home in time to have Easter Dinner with the in-laws
Monday- have pictures taken of the house, finish paper work
Tuesday- house goes on the market (within a day or two)

Pet peeve: movies or shows that have some woman giving birth that's completely unrealistic. Rusty is watching an episode of Firefly on DVD where some woman is having a baby. She's squealing, barely breathing and NOT SCREAMING. Oh, and her hair and makeup looks fine afterwards. No blood, no sweat, no tears of reverence. What a load of crap! I really wish someone within the film crew would step up to say "Um, excuse me. May I? Great. Yes, about the birth scene. My wife didn't sound or look anything like that. Can you give us a good agonizing scream? You know, like you just had your leg shot off or something? Ok, louder. Lots louder and growly. Also, bunch up your face. More. More. Mo- that's probably fine. And take some fast deep breaths between the screaming. You'll get dizzy? Well, do what you can until it's uncomfortable and if you begin to faint just roll with it. Last thing. Forget the lines. Just say things incoherently. Ramble your lines if that works for you. And say it fast since you're in pain and breathing fast."

All things considered, it's better to be sick in the kitchen than in the bathroom. Clutching a toilet bowl is gross while kitchen sinks tend to be cleaner and provide immediate waste removal via the disposal system. Though I don't recommend this in front of company.

For you guys out there (and women who haven't been pregnant) upchucking from hormonal imbalances is not the same as being sick with, say, a stomach virus. Once you've purged, you can enjoy a meal and relax a little. It's not a lingering sick feeling. At least, that's how it is with me.

This week I really feel pregnant. Today starts the 8th week. My boobs filled out (yay!), I'm nauseous half the time (I barfed yesterday after breakfast), I feel like I'm short of breath all the time, I'm always thirsty and have to pee three times as normal, and I'm a little more tired than usual. I'm not really showing yet but I have noticed my jeans are fitting tighter around the waist. I don't really have any carvings yet, at least not consistently.

I had a dream earlier this week that I was in labor and the baby came out quickly. We discovered the baby was a girl and were surprised since we had forgotten to check the sex beforehand. I hear that moms sometimes just know what they're going to have. This may be true for some, but I need proof. I'm hoping to get a sonogram of the little bugger in the second week of April. Maybe by then we'll have some clue as to the sex.

In other news, we are making progress towards moving into a newer, bigger house. I love almost everything about this house and hope we'll get it. Nothing in guaranteed right now, but it looks promising. It's a whooping 2.1 miles away from where we are now!

Specs: 3 bedrooms, 2.1 bathrooms, 2 story, enclosed library/study, open game room, 2578 sq. ft., built 2001, includes covered patio and children's play set in backyard (woot!), sprinkler system, wood floor downstairs, carpet upstairs, ceramic tile in kitchen, new light fixtures & fans, granite-type counters in kitchen w/ an island, gas stove-top and plantation shutters. The neighborhood is adorable and comes with a community pool, elementary school 3 blocks away, and shopping and hospital under a mile away. It's in Carrollton city, Denton county and Lewisville school district. In a nutshell, the house was very well maintained and upgraded for efficiency in summer. There's fiber in the neighborhood (yay!) and Rusty's commute to work is the same distance as from our current home.

Snags: It's further away from the highways so I'll change to a nearby pediatrician after Josh's 2-year check up. I discovered there is a convicted pedophile a few blocks away (scary, yes, but really they are all over this country!). There is a dining room and living room, but no front entertaining room so the piano will go in the dining room and our dining will be in the kitchen nook. When we have guests we'll add the table sleeves to make room for everyone. We may have to buy a new refrigerator, if they won't sell it with the house, and rugs for some of the wood floor area. That' about it for downsides.

Our house will go on the market some time next month after we have the carpet cleaned, kitchen walls painted and a few other touch ups. I'm thinking of bailing out of town during all that chaos to keep myself and Josh away from the paint and minimize messes. I'm hoping to sell our home within 45 days of going on the market.

Time to get busy!

We found a house we really like (yay!) that comes with a community pool, near school/park and shopping and include kids play set in backyard (yipee!).
The guy who was interested in buying directly from us flaked out so we're putting the house on the market asap. Which means I have a TON of work to do: pack, clear clutter, schedule carpet cleaning, get kitchen walls redone, do touch up painting and maybe refinish the deck with fresh stain. All this while working some.

I may take Josh to see grandma or great-grandma for a weekend while they paint our kitchen and clean our carpets. I think he would enjoy that more than being constantly restricted from doing anything fun at home.

We decided yesterday it was time to drop the "binky". The 'kiki', the 'dummy', the 'paci', the 'nooki', the 'baby pacification device'. We waffled over the timing: after his birthday? before? when we move? before? sometime in the summer? next weekend?

We decided there was no good reason not to try it sooner. At bedtime, Josh didn't make his usual request immediately following his bath. We thought "Maybe we got lucky? He doesn't seem interested." Instead he waited until it was almost time for books, a good 30 minutes after his bath. Once it was clear we weren't giving him his binky, oh boy was he pissed! Crying and pleading and bucking out of our arms. We managed to get through one book. I sang him a song and recalled some bedtime rhymes before laying him down. He cried a little asking for his binky but eventually asleep.

We thought- that wasn't so bad. Heh.

Around 2 am he woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. I took him to his room again, laid him down, rubbed his back and that seemed to work. 10 minutes later he was back in our room. I put him down again then laid down on his floor to keep him company (and to re-enforce my wishes for him to stay in bed). I crawl into bed after he's out. A little after 3 am, same thing. This time I kick Rusty out of bed. He doesn't do so well. Josh cries and screams and wails no matter what Rusty tries. I give up and take over again. Soothe, sleep on the floor. Repeat again at 6 am. Take over from Rusty, soothe, sleep on the floor. Josh didn't wake up until close to 9:30 this morning. Which is fine- he slept like crap all night. But now our whole day's schedule is shifted two hours off norm.

We're bracing ourselves for nap time today and the binky battle again tonight. Whatever happens, we've resolved to be 100% consistent. No binky, no exceptions, sorry kid.

Joshua now says his name. He says it like "Hoshwa". So adorable! He also had school portraits taken last week. Somehow they managed to get him to sit still, cross his legs and even smile at the camera. I'm jealous! The majority of my pictures are blurry b/c he won't stay still for 2 seconds. Well, that's also because my last camera sucked balls. The new one does a much better job at capturing a moving target.

My tooth is better. And just in time for morning sickness, which continues to rear its head this week. If history repeats itself, I'm doomed next week until end of April. ;(

By the way, if you ever want a way cool desktop for your computer, I recommend interfacelift.com. I downloaded a rendered image of a drop of water. And the images are all free. Gotta love that!


We went house shopping again today. Our favorite today was the one we nicknamed the "Frat House" due to the style. It's my favorite so far. It has two stories, all bedrooms upstairs, with a study, the balcony attaches to the master bedroom, there's two living areas, a nice kitchen, and you can see a nature reserve pond just behind the neighborhood from the back of the house. There's a park nearby and a Montessori school at the end of the development. No schools in walking distance and no shops in walking distance. We'll continue our search next weekend.

My tooth hurts less today (YAY!!) but is still sensitive and I can't chew on that side. I'll go back to the dentist later this week to figure out why it's still sensitive and what we ca do about it. I just pray we don't need another root canal. I'm complaining about the experience (the endodontist was actually very gentle aside from the shot of pain killers through the roof of my mouth, which I don't recommend that even to my enemies) but it's the cost. We paid nearly $1K after insurance and certainly can't afford to do it again right now.

This week we officially begin packing. I've packed the CDs and movies and found a bunch of boxes at a cardboard recycle bin to begin packing other stuff. Josh will be a challenge while packing. He wants to get into everything, unpack, open boxes, climb on boxes, put random stuff in the boxes... I'll stick to packing when he's away or asleep. Or better yet, find some good friends and grandparents to watch him for a few hours on the weekend.

Morning sickness arrived on time. This week I am 6 weeks along. It's still very early in the game but things are happening on schedule. With Josh, I started getting sick a week before I knew I was pregnant (yeah, I was that aloof) which put it at about 6 weeks. By week 7 I was really sick, like puking in the mornings and during lunch. That lasted until the 4th month, when hormones settled down. Well now it's the start of the 6th week and I felt a bit nauseous, ill-ish, this morning and yesterday morning. Nothing so bad to send me to the porcelain god, but enough to make me breathe slowly and take it easy for fear of feeling worse.

On the note of being nauseous, here are some synonyms for that morning sickness ickiness: vomit, vomit up, purge, cast, cat, be sick, disgorge, regorge, retch, puke, barf, spew, spue, chuck, upchuck, honk, regurgitate, throw up. I like honk. Not sure what the reference is here (maybe the sound in some perverse way?) I may use that in future as a non-offending way to describe an offending act.

So how exactly did I not know the first time? How does a women get to be 7 weeks pregnant and not know it? Heh. Well, my periods were not being very regular at the time. I was days early or late on a regular basis so when I missed a period I blamed it on being irregular. I had even had 2 "failed pregnancies" prior to the being irregular which caused a near week delay (the second two weeks early) followed by a surge of bleeding that wasn't menstrual in nature. Fast forward to the missed period in September 2004. I missed a period but observed a brown-ish discharge. Ha! I thought, this is all I get this month? I weird but I'll take it. By that loose definition, I had it in my mind that I had a weak, light period. I didn't feel pregnant and didn't know what being pregnant was like. Then I started feeling a bit nauseous after my birthday. I blamed that on something I probably ate or some stomach virus I probably got. I remember eating a meal of pudding, cream soup, milk and bread as these were all safe. I went to my acupuncturist for a routine appointment. We were working on leveling off hormones since I was being irregular and not getting pregnant. Little did I know... I mentioned to him that I had been feeling sick lately. He asked if I had missed a period and I told him, no I had a weak, light one that was probably due to being irregular. He looked at me very skeptical and suggested I do a pregnancy test. "I'm not pregnant, I assure you, but I'll do that just to put the notion out of my head." After the appointment, I did just that. I bought a stick on my way to a coffee shop to study for an upcoming Series 7 exam. (I don't recommend taking the Series 7, BTW. That was no fun.)

I ordered my double cappuccino and while I waited for my order, went to the bathroom. I peed on the stick and seeing no line immediately was relieved and proceeded to wash my hands and flush when I looked again and saw the second line bright as the first. I don't exactly remember what went through my mind in that moment. I suppose I was in such shock I was devoid of thought at all. Emotions came rushing at me. I grabbed my coffee from the barista, my books, my bag and hastily went to my car. Who is the first person one calls in a time of trouble? Mom, of course. I was barely breathing and overcome with the shock of it all. I blathered on the phone for a second. My mom asked me what's the matter. "I just took a home pregnancy test and it has two lines which means I'm pregnant and this changes my life and I don't know if I'm ready for it and I'm sorry to call you in such a state but I don't know who else to talk to and..." I rambled on for a bit. In the course of conversation, my mom was overjoyed with the news and sad that this was such a stressful moment for me.

With Newby II, I am paying attention to the subtle clues I missed the first time. Nausea has set in exactly the same time as last. My breast have filled out a bit. I knew I was pregnant before I missed a period thanks to observation of colored discharge. Now I just hope this goes as well as the first one. I told my midwife I want a pregnancy that is healthy, normal and low-maintenance.

Last note, just as the first one, pregnancy for me is an emotional roller coaster. I cried at lot with the first pregnancy: First found out- I cried. Telling Rusty- I cried. First heartbeat- I cried. First sonogram- I cried. Seeing other babies- made me cry. Hearing songs with any mention of a loved one nicknamed 'baby'- made me cry. Thoughts of labor- cried. Thoughts about my son growing up and would I be a good enough mother?- I cried. And so that pattern returns. But with a little less crying this time. Perhaps it's all a little more predictable this time.

vicodin works. feelin' tired weak loooopy. will go lyv down. wow

but tooth stilll hurts :(

I have been in agony for days, almost 2 weeks! It's not due to being pregnant, though that is a contributing factor. I am referring to my toothache. It has been killing me slowly and just this week has grown so bad it effects how I eat, sleep, talk, and even move around. After a root canal on Monday, no change. I visited two dentist offices yesterday for further examination where they adjusted my bite, no change. They prescribed me Vicodin and to take as much Advil as my midwife advises, no change. That's right. Vicodin had no effect! I was shocked. An hour and a half after taking a pill, my mouth was still throbbing and I didn't feel any different. I wonder if I got a sugar pill instead. Or maybe this is the type of drug that has to settle into the system to begin working? Either way, I am still in agony with this ache. I'm at the point where pulling the tooth sounds like a reasonable idea.

The difference between a doctor's office and a midwife:

Doctor- Fill out multiple forms before first visit, provide insurance and proof of ID (usually a driver's license)
Dinah- She asks me questions in person writing down the answers throughout our visit and expanding on information where necessary

Doctor- Lots of nurses walking around working, no one knows your name unless they are leading to someplace
Dinah- There are two people in her office, both know me beyond just my name

Doctor- Sterile office setting, cold floors, minimal fixtures and furniture
Dinah- The office is in an old house transformed into a business so there's wood floors, home-like furniture intermingled with office furniture. It's always comfortably warm.

Doctor- Nurses check all vital signs before doctor appears for exam and questions
Dinah- Dinah does all the work in an appointment and inquires about everything before checking vital signs like blood pressure, heart rate, weight, protein/glucose test, etc.

Doctor- Payments made at each appointment with insurance taking care of a portion
Dinah- Payments made at each appointment with insurance taking care of a portion at the end

Doctor- Informs patients on each stage of pregnancy and answers any questions
Dinah- Informs patients on each stage of pregnancy, answers any questions, checks diet intake and provides feedback for improvement, inquires about dreams, stress, home life, family history as applicable, recommends exercise and books for further reading

Doctor- You wait 15 minutes to an hour to see the doctor in some busy offices
Dinah- If she's running late, her office will call you to let you know before you arrive

Doctor- Available by appointment only
Dinah- Available by appointment but is flexible in available if needed

Doctor- Usually has blood lab and ultrasound/sonogram machine in office or building
Dinah- Sends blood to outsourced clinic (no extra charge) and schedules you for sonograms at a nearby medical office

Doctor- Prepared for complications
Dinah- Prevents complications but is prepared to transfer care if needed

Doctor- One option: Hospital birth
Dinah- Several options: Hospital birth, home birth, or birth facility. I imagine if a woman was laboring in the car she's meet her there on the street too.

Doctor- Office smells clean and neutral if not slightly like cleaning disinfectant products
Dinah- Office smells like herbs and plants

Doctor- You sit on a tall, cold table with a paper liner
Dinah- You sit on a sofa covered by throw blankets and pillows

Doctor- You're lucky to have a window
Dinah- As many windows as a home, each with curtains to give soft lighting

Doctor- Answer to questions about pain: epidural.
Dinah- Answer to questions about pain: you are strong and capable of handling the natural process of childbirth. Be prepared for what to expect by taking a Bradley Method class, get your partner involved, go to yoga classes if possible, learn to internalize and prepare for contractions

Doctor- Probably drives a vanilla if not upscale car
Dinah- Drives an fuel efficient Honda decorated with bumper stickers like "I 'Heart' My Midwife" "Childbirth is Natural" "The Breast is Best" and "World Peace Begins with Childbirth"

I'm out of ideas and you get the picture. Doctor experience described above is based on my experience with an OB/GYN I saw in the first 5 months of my first pregnancy before switching to Dinah's care.

I had a root canal done today. The appointment was supposed to be for Wednesday but I was in agonizing pain and moved it to today. Trouble sleeping, headaches, sensation of swollen face/cheek, sensitivity to pressure and temperature change (read: eating and drinking)- it was a sharp piercing pain that felt to extend deep into the tooth and perhaps beyond. I bought two types of Orajel, Sensodyne toothpaste and took some Advil just to put the pain aside for a bit. But it kept coming back. I'm hopeful this root canal today solves the problem. If it doesn't I may cry. Again.

In other news, I have an appointment to meet with my midwife tomorrow morning. It will be our first appointment. I'm rather excited not only to work with her again but to go through the whole pregnancy process again. The first one was such a pleasant experience (well, ok, honestly it sucked the first 3 months when I was hormonal and nauseous) but this one will be different. Different seasons, different working environment, different home life, different home!, different baby altogether. I pray for a healthy pregnancy and baby. Boy, girl, I don't care. I want healthy. Rusty however, REALLY wants a girl. We'll see this summer what we're getting.

Home shopping is way more fun than selling. We looked at several homes today, two of which we really like for different reasons. Next weekend we'll venture out again to continue our search. Meanwhile we're hoping to sell our home to a certain prospective buyer by May. Fingers crossed!

Quote from Rusty as he runs from the dinner table: "No, no, no, don't play the piano with asparagus!"

that moment brought tears of laughter

I went to my second research appointment with Presbyterian Hospital of Dallas this morning. It was brutal but worth it. The time went long so they agreed to pay $25 extra. woot! The coolest part of the whole ordeal, aside from the requirement to lay down and relax (wish I could do that more often), is the echo cardiogram. The use a sonogram machine to watch my heart beat. Once the technician locates the heart I can watch the valves pumping. The image of the heart pumping sort of reminds me of the dancing brooms in Disney's Fantasia where the stick is the ventricle wall and the bristles are the valves moving up and down. I had a hard time staying awake during one breathing exercise. I was soooo relaxed and tired from a restless night (Josh was restless for some reason) that one researcher had to tell me to stay awake a few times. I couldn't help it!

This is looking to be a busy weekend for us. We have work to do around the house to prepare to sell it. Rusty has loose ends with work to do. I have a website to add content to and finish designing. To help us, Rusty's mom has graciously agreed to watch Josh in the morning for a few hours. She tells me she will run her errands with him. I'm sure he'll love the adventure.

Matt: how did it go?

Me: We went out for sushi. As he's checking out the menu he recommends we get a FujiYama Special together. I told him I'd rather have some udon instead. He asked why I didn't want sushi. "Well, I'd love sushi but I can't it have it for a while. I'm pregnant."

He had this deer in the headlights look for a moment. Jaw dropped slightly.

He's excited and happy and hopeful for a girl. We talked briefly about it then moved on to other conversations about our day. It was a much cooler way to make the announcement than the first time around.

Matt: heh, nice. :)

Here were suggestions people had on how I should break the news:
My Dad- Wait until September and see if he notices.
Barb- Buy a double stroller and tell him he has 9 months to figure out how to put it together.

At least my tactic scored me some eel sushi. :-)

There are various tiers of who we know. There's the family tier. People immediately related to us and who are as close as family. There's the friend tier. Those we keep in touch with, hang out with, confide in, do stuff with. There's the loose friends. Those we see or hear from occassionally, like once or twice a year. There's the distant friend. We talk to them once every few years. They tend to be on the same level of contact as many of our acquaintances, another tier of people. There's the work tier. The church tier. The school tier. The neighbor tier. All these classes of people we associate with and share information about ourselves with. Some we are intimate with, like our friends and family. Others are kept in the dark about our true selves, like some neighbors and coworkers.

So what of the blog tier?

I have a wide audience consistenting of family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances, and of course strangers. My disclosure of my personal (and sometimes mundane) life is on display for any tier. I am often conflicted as to how much detail and what types of detail to publish. For example, family enjoys getting the updates about our son. Friends want stories about us. Most others are just checking in to see what's new, how I'm doing, and if I'm still blogging. I am.

When I started this blog last year July I had serious doubts of my ability to keep it up. I was notoriously lazy about keeping a journal or diary as a kid. But somehow not only have I managed to keep it going, I've also kept the same tone and premise: to keep everyone updated about Josh and myself in the new role as a mom. I thank you for reading this and hope you'll continue to check in periodically. Especially since this year promises to be more interesting than the last.

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