I think it's time to admit it. I don't want to. But I need to acknowledge and deal with the fact that I think my son is saying "fuck it". That's what it sounds like and I can't for the life of me figure out what else he's trying to say that sounds like this. He probably heard me say it after a moment of exasperation. Except he doesn't say it when he's frustrated, it's more like he's talking to himself and says a word over and over and over... Sometimes he says bubbles repeatedly. Sometimes choo-choo when he's thinking about trains. **long sigh**

It's warming up outside. Summer will be right on time if not early. Today felt like upper mid-80s. I really look forward to swimming this summer.

I took Josh to see a pediatric pulmonologist this afternoon. Josh has been hacking and coughing for weeks (months really) so we decided we should get this checked out. It helps that the doctor knows Anne, Josh's grandmother (Rusty's mom), and knows her health history in regards to asthma. Although Josh isn't officially diagnosed as having asthma (yet) we are going to try inhalers to see if it helps. If it does, he'll be on inhalers twice a day until the problem goes away. If it doesn't help, we'll rule out asthma and consider other problems like sinuses or who knows. Secretly I hope it clears up and just goes away. I dread having an asthmatic child. I don't want to worry about him losing his breath at play. But we'll see how this turns out. Chest x-rays are next week and we go back to the doctor right before our Vancouver trip.

Feeling nauseous this evening. But that's ok. I remembered a bright-side I used to tell myself during the first pregnancy: if I weren't feeling sick, something would be wrong. I read a terribly sad article several months ago about a mom who had a miscarriage. In her experience, things were going along normal then one day she didn't feel pregnant. She didn't feel the usual mood swings, cavings, nausea or breast soreness. After a check up, she learned the baby had died. Then a few days later the body naturally flushed the fetus out with a gush of blood. Being mindful of that story helps me appreciate that things are doing what they should be doing, even if it is unpleasant.

I am beginning to feel the pinch of the upcoming month. I feel like I have soooo much to do and it's all due at the same time. I need to plan for Josh's birthday party and send out invitations. I need to pack most of the house before our trip to Vancouver. I need to finish finding the other half of an outfit I want to wear on the trip. I need to finish this website project I've been working on for my job. AND I need to buy Rusty's birthday present by week's end. (yikes!) I'm certain everything will fall into place, but I feel like there's months of work to do and no time to do it all.

Thus, my blogs may become more irregular this month as I try to stay on top of everything. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

whooooosh! That's what life feels like lately.

Today the buyers have an inspector going through our home. They picked a rotten time though- 8:30am. This morning we were scrambling to clean up and get ourselves (and Josh) of the house on time. I wish they'd made a mid-day time so I could eat breakfast at home and take my time cleaning up. At least he'll be done early.

I'm hanging out at Java & Cha now trying to enjoy a tae (it's too sweet) and passing time until Dan is ready for me to work on his website some more. I'm at a point where I can't do much without his input on content and credit card for images to put online.

Yesterday was rainy and cold. I took advantage of the weather by taking a nap around lunch time and working in front of the TV, which I rarely do. I felt a bit queasy around late morning so I decided I needed to lay down. That was the beginning of my day as Slacker. I didn't clean the house perfectly as I moved about and only worked during commercial breaks. It felt good to finally have a ME day.

For anyone who hasn't witnessed the eccentricities of Plano, TX, I have an example to share of why I am so not pat of the Plano culture. Last week I was on the phone in the parking lot of Josh's school. I wanted to schedule his appointment for a pediatric pulmonologist before going in to get him. While I was on the line, a Lexus SUV pulls beside me parked in the handicap spot. The mom hops out and goes inside. My first thought was "Hey, you're not handicapped and I don't see a sticker!" Whatever. I go inside, get kid and head back to the car. The mom is buckling in her 2 year old daughter now. As I'm putting Josh into his own seat, I overhear her say "Time for Barney! Let's play Barney!" I glance at her as she's fastening a mobile DVD player to the back of her headrest and presses Play. I'm thinking, "What, you live so far away you have to entertain your child with a show on the way home?" What ever happened to listening to music, singing, talking or just watching the world go by? Her child is being raised to expect entertainment rather than self reflection and observation of her world. I could totally justify a portable DVD player on a long road trip (like to Colorado from Dallas which takes all day) but not on a regular basis. Hell, I feel guilty letting Josh watching TV at home for more than 20 minutes. On past road trips, he did just fine playing with toys in the back, watching the scenery and interacting with Rusty or me. It's too easy for me to judge this mom. Even if her child is a demon without her beloved Barney show, the mom still shouldn't have parked in a handicap spot. I just don't related to the likes of her.

This weekend I am 10 weeks along. Still nauseous in the evenings. In fact, I lost about half of my dinner last night. :( No sonogram yet. We decided to save our money and do it at about 20 weeks (roughly mid to late June). By then we'll be able to learn the sex. The last midwife appointment went smoothly. I'm healthy in every way.

Josh is being a pain. Must cut this posting short.

We got a buyer! (yay!!) After a minor price negotiation, we will be selling the house to an older Russian couple. We'll do paperwork this weekend to finalize the deal.

In other news, I have an appointment to take Josh to see a pediatric pulmonologist in two weeks. We're concerned about his breathing. Actually, his breathing is fine it's his coughing. After he runs around, he goes into a coughing fit. We're concerned he's developing asthma or something related. I'm hoping we can get a better diagnosis and ways to treat it. Or at least get educated on what's going on and when to be concerned.

I've changed my eating habits to accommodate my nausea in the evenings. Instead of eating a full meal at dinner, I'm eating a larger late lunch and breakfast and then snacking for dinner. It seems to help. Speaking of which, some chocolate cake sounds yummy right about now! :-)

When Josh sees cars passing on the busy street at the end of our neighborhood, he says "zchoom! zchoom!" That's about what this last week has felt like for me. Quickie:

Trip to Corpus went well. josh enjoyed playing in the sand at the beach and LOVED running around the 4 aces at my grandmother's house. (They have 2 horses and a mule.)

Upon returning, I worked around the house for most of Monday making everything as spotless and picture as possible.

We put our house on the market Tuesday afternoon. By today, Wednesday, we had three showings and already one offer to buy the house. We're going to consider the offer tonight.

I had a appointment with the midwife on Tuesday morning and we heard the heartbeat for the first time (just barely). I tend to have evening sickness instead of morning sickness which means I feel nauseous around dinner time and don't want to eat and don't want to do much and yet find I'm short of breath. But that's all manageable compared to the first pregnancy.

There are other things to talk about ut that has to wait. I have a house offer to consider. :-)

Good God of Grief! Joshua can be such a handful sometimes! This morning I restrained from boiling the baby. What should have take a simple 5 minutes to write a note to his teachers took 15 minutes from his constant interruptions and mischief. He unwound a paper towel roll and tore it up into tiny bits across his room then proceeded to rip apart the inner tube after playing it like a horn. I gladly tossed him into school for my own sanity and his well being.



From Jeff Vogel's "The Poo Bomb"
Having a baby around makes it much harder to manage the voices in my head. I mean, before, they just told me to do horrible things to myself and my wife. But my wife knows Tae Kwon Do and could kick my ass, and I can’t do anything painful to myself because I’m a big pussy. So that was all right.

But now I spend all of my time having internal conversations like:

Me: “Oh, hell. Did I remember to put out the diapers so the service can pick them up?”
Inner voice: “Boil the baby.”

Or,

Me: “Phew. She’s finally asleep. I can get some work done.”
Inner voice: “Boil the baby.”

Or,

Me: “I’m hungry. I sure could use a ham sandwich.”
Inner voice: “Boil the .... wait. Did you say ham?”
Me: “Mmmmm. Sandwich.”
Inner voice: “Mmmmm. Sandwich.”
Me: “Better clean this plate.”
Inner voice: “Put the baby in the dishwasher.”

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