We're going to Denver tomorrow. Rusty managed to borrow his dad's suv which seats us four plus one extra. I'm better now but if I think too much about things I get sad again. Rusty has sleeping pills for me on my bedside. I've been on the phone all day since Nel called.

The memorial hasn't been set yet but it's looking like Wednesday afternoon or early Thursday.

I got the call about 30 minutes ago. My dad hung himself.

My hands are still shaky, my heart racing. I knew he was going to do it, but it's still painful.

Busy busy as a bee, as the saying goes. I'm 85% finished with my current website project, working on their brochures too, and trying to drum up business through another friend. And update our own website in the process. I tried to get Elliot into an MDO or something like that but I can't commit to a semester of time. So I'll work around his sleep schedule and in May when he's 18 months I'll start taking him to Kids Play for as-needed drop off. They charge by the hour and no reservation required. So some weeks he may go twice, other weeks none at all depending on my work schedule.

Joshua is 95% potty trained and weaning off of the reward system. He still has accidents and occasionally, though somewhat rarely, chooses to pee in his pants. Once he's all the way potty trained we'll then work on bedtime without a diaper. That will require taking him in his sleep and making him go first thing in the morning. I think he'll be ready around his birthday to start practicing that.

Elliot has another molar popping through but it doesn't seem to bother him much. Thank goodness! His nose finally stopped dripping Tuesday and now he's back to thumb sucking. I was beginning to wonder if he lost interest for a while but I guess he gave it up in exchange for oxygen. Good decision!

I went to a new family practice doctor yesterday. I'm healthy and fit. Well, healthy enough. She did a whole stress, mood and depression questionnaire on me. I'm generally happy now with little stress and anxiety, and rare mood swings. But the depression survey almost made me look like I had issues. Yes I've experienced depression in my life, once in late high school and again around 24 years old. But these were never debilitating and haven't had it since then. Taking my family history into account, my doctor says the survey can tell her what "happy Sarah" is like on a normal well-visit and if depression rears its head again, she'll have a baseline understanding of what changed. I'm hoping I don't slip into a medically defined mental state or depression. If you have to be put on anti-depressants you generally have to stay on them. I'm not good at taking drugs (I don't take vitamins) so I can imagine taking mood boosting medicine would cause some level of stress and anxiety!

But hey- right now all's good! :-)

How's this for sucking? All three boys have some ailment and it's different for each. Elliot's getting over his cold which lead to an ear infection. His new antibiotic is giving him sticky stinky poop. Rusty's battling allergies/a cold (he's not sure which) since yesterday morning. And now Josh has a fever for some reason. But no runny nose, coughing or anything else. Yet. And our thermometer of three and a half years decided to start acting up. Anyway, I'll be busy tomorrow caring for the three. Dinner tomorrow may very well be delivered pizza or something simple.

When this is all done, I'll need a cosmo and a pedicure.



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