Morning sickness arrived on time. This week I am 6 weeks along. It's still very early in the game but things are happening on schedule. With Josh, I started getting sick a week before I knew I was pregnant (yeah, I was that aloof) which put it at about 6 weeks. By week 7 I was really sick, like puking in the mornings and during lunch. That lasted until the 4th month, when hormones settled down. Well now it's the start of the 6th week and I felt a bit nauseous, ill-ish, this morning and yesterday morning. Nothing so bad to send me to the porcelain god, but enough to make me breathe slowly and take it easy for fear of feeling worse.

On the note of being nauseous, here are some synonyms for that morning sickness ickiness: vomit, vomit up, purge, cast, cat, be sick, disgorge, regorge, retch, puke, barf, spew, spue, chuck, upchuck, honk, regurgitate, throw up. I like honk. Not sure what the reference is here (maybe the sound in some perverse way?) I may use that in future as a non-offending way to describe an offending act.

So how exactly did I not know the first time? How does a women get to be 7 weeks pregnant and not know it? Heh. Well, my periods were not being very regular at the time. I was days early or late on a regular basis so when I missed a period I blamed it on being irregular. I had even had 2 "failed pregnancies" prior to the being irregular which caused a near week delay (the second two weeks early) followed by a surge of bleeding that wasn't menstrual in nature. Fast forward to the missed period in September 2004. I missed a period but observed a brown-ish discharge. Ha! I thought, this is all I get this month? I weird but I'll take it. By that loose definition, I had it in my mind that I had a weak, light period. I didn't feel pregnant and didn't know what being pregnant was like. Then I started feeling a bit nauseous after my birthday. I blamed that on something I probably ate or some stomach virus I probably got. I remember eating a meal of pudding, cream soup, milk and bread as these were all safe. I went to my acupuncturist for a routine appointment. We were working on leveling off hormones since I was being irregular and not getting pregnant. Little did I know... I mentioned to him that I had been feeling sick lately. He asked if I had missed a period and I told him, no I had a weak, light one that was probably due to being irregular. He looked at me very skeptical and suggested I do a pregnancy test. "I'm not pregnant, I assure you, but I'll do that just to put the notion out of my head." After the appointment, I did just that. I bought a stick on my way to a coffee shop to study for an upcoming Series 7 exam. (I don't recommend taking the Series 7, BTW. That was no fun.)

I ordered my double cappuccino and while I waited for my order, went to the bathroom. I peed on the stick and seeing no line immediately was relieved and proceeded to wash my hands and flush when I looked again and saw the second line bright as the first. I don't exactly remember what went through my mind in that moment. I suppose I was in such shock I was devoid of thought at all. Emotions came rushing at me. I grabbed my coffee from the barista, my books, my bag and hastily went to my car. Who is the first person one calls in a time of trouble? Mom, of course. I was barely breathing and overcome with the shock of it all. I blathered on the phone for a second. My mom asked me what's the matter. "I just took a home pregnancy test and it has two lines which means I'm pregnant and this changes my life and I don't know if I'm ready for it and I'm sorry to call you in such a state but I don't know who else to talk to and..." I rambled on for a bit. In the course of conversation, my mom was overjoyed with the news and sad that this was such a stressful moment for me.

With Newby II, I am paying attention to the subtle clues I missed the first time. Nausea has set in exactly the same time as last. My breast have filled out a bit. I knew I was pregnant before I missed a period thanks to observation of colored discharge. Now I just hope this goes as well as the first one. I told my midwife I want a pregnancy that is healthy, normal and low-maintenance.

Last note, just as the first one, pregnancy for me is an emotional roller coaster. I cried at lot with the first pregnancy: First found out- I cried. Telling Rusty- I cried. First heartbeat- I cried. First sonogram- I cried. Seeing other babies- made me cry. Hearing songs with any mention of a loved one nicknamed 'baby'- made me cry. Thoughts of labor- cried. Thoughts about my son growing up and would I be a good enough mother?- I cried. And so that pattern returns. But with a little less crying this time. Perhaps it's all a little more predictable this time.

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