I was hoping my dad would visit this summer. He made this big deal that he would come here on the way to seeing Nel's family. While I was totally excited by the idea that he would travel to Dallas to see his grandkids and us, I was also expecting him to back out. True to form he will not be coming. I'm a little glad I didn't fully expect him to actually come here, but also bummed. I had just enough hope to be disappointed. I've lived in Dallas for eleven years this summer and he has come only one time: for my wedding. Since then it's always been some reason he can't. Money. Work. Taking care of his mother. It's typical that once again I feel let down by him. One would think that in nine years he could have found one weekend, one stretch of vacation time, one two-day time off that he could use for me. Intead I've spent my own time going to see him. I can't do that as easily with the kids anymore and regret that he won't be there as they grow up. I worry they won't know who he is and then he'll be gone.

There's an unspoken hierarchy of friendship. It's a cold unspoken rule of social etiquette that once you tun your back on your girlfriend, partner, or spouse you can no longer rely on that person's friends for support in the same way you once did. Here's how it works: you make a friend who introduces you to their girlfriend, partner, or spouse. Your friend has the higher hierarchy over whomever they introduced to you. If your friend breaks up with their girlfriend, partner, or spouse, your loyalty goes to your friend, not to who they broke up with. (With rare exceptions.) Here's an example: a friend of more than ten years is facing the end of his marriage to someone I've also known for the same amount of time. He has a long history with Rusty and introduced me to her when they first met. My loyalty goes to the original friend, not his soon-to-be ex-wife. It would be imprudent to call her and maintain that friendship.

Not that I would want to anyway.

Potty training achievement: Josh went poop in the potty! yay!! But it wasn't that easy. After dinner we took him to the potty where he peed. That was good. He played a bit then dashed upstairs abruptly. As he went, it dawned on me that he was going to poop in his room, one of his preferred locations. I sent Rusty to assist him since I was holding Elliot at the time. Josh screamed and protested. I stepped in as "good cop" and helped him to the potty. After a moment he got bored and began fidgeting with the blinds. To distract him from the blinds and toilet paper, I gave him a small picture book then left him alone. A couple minutes later he shouted "I went poo-poo in the potty mommy!" I did a dance, clapped my hands, gave him hugs and high-fives then we all left for an ice-cream sundae treat. We'll try to catch him again tomorrow.

The school is taking him to the potty every 45 minutes or so and says he's getting better. I'm going to try to keep on the same timing when he's home Friday through Monday. I'll also put him in underwear those mornings to give him a chance to start out the day diaper free.

It's Father's Day! I got my dad a BBQ dinner from a local restaurant and got Rusty a concrete bench to sit on outside. He now has a comfy place to smoke and talk on the phone where the kids won't see him. I also got him a nice ceramic jar with a lid where he can store his butts. (Isn't that a lovely word- 'butt'- to describe what goes into the mouth of a smoker? I think it's appropriate. In fact, I think there should be more gross words to describe smoking. The pack could be 'coffin', the lit end could be a 'maggot', the ashes could be 'scabs'.)

We started out the day so fabulous! Last night we took Elliot to a boat party with us while Russ and Anne had Joshua over to spend the night. Apparently he was a charm and a gentleman for them. Meanwhile, we got to sleep in and snooze, do some cleaning, set up Rusty's new bench and relax a bit. Then Josh came home WIRED. It was as if someone slipped him an espresso or something. He was bouncing off the walls, running circles, going two miles a minute. (Which is 120 MPH. If you're a car.) He refused a nap so I took him swimming thinking that would wear him out a little. Oh not in the slightest. He finally chilled thirty minutes before bedtime and zonked asleep within minutes of his light going out. whew!

I host the playdate for the neighborhood om group tomorrow afternoon. I fully expect my home to get trashed but I'm looking forward to it all the same.

Rusty did some research on what the cost would be to purchase a Toyota Prius Hybrid versus keeping my car, a Mazda 3. He figures:

$937 per year in gas for Prius at 4.50/gallon (48 mpg)
$1875 per year in gas for a Mazda3 (24 mpg)

$10,345 trade in value for the Mazda
5% interest

$29,649 for new fully loaded Prius

$364/month/60 months of car payments
$78 in savings per month for gas

We're not buying a new car, not now anyway. I'm rather attached to driving a manual transmission and I own my car. When the time comes to upgrade, I'll likely go for a hybrid or fuel alternative car. And maybe not a Prius since Toyota doesn't strike me as a great car manufacturer.

We took Josh to school this morning back in diapers. Rusty told the teachers we would try again later when he's more ready. They insisted that if we sent him to school with Pull-Ups that they would work with him on potty training. Everyone I've talked to who had quick success doing the potty training themselves swears that going cotton (forget the pull-ups) is the only way to go. I think they're right. But if the school is willing to help potty train him using the pull-ups then I'm game for it. I suppose there's no other way for them to do it without having pee and poop accidents.

I sent Josh to school yesterday as usual hoping he'd have some success with going to the potty since he'd be among peers that go potty and have access to a toilet his size, but when I picked him up the teacher had him in a diaper. Damn her! So I'll kept him home to practice some more. By lunch I had given up. He was less successful over the weekend and not showing any signs of wanting to use the potty. I made him clean all of his messes, even the pooped in undies. By lunch it was clear that he wasn't ready. I think it's more of a willful child issue than a knows-how-to issue. After four days, we're calling it quits and will try again in 2-3 weeks.

In the meantime, I'm telling him he wears "baby diapers" in hopes that it will sink in that he shoul be done with them.

Day Two and a Half of Potty Training. Josh did better. We started the day with no messes! Then at lunch he made up for it by peeing and pooping. That was such a- eww, yeah, let's not go there. Ok, then at naptime he didn't pee (yay!) but instead walked to our bedside to wake up Rusty who was snoozing then proceeded to pee there by the bed. We had fewer mishaps in all and more trips to the bathroom. We gave him a small ball of chocolate every time he peed in the potty along with high-fives, praising and clapping. When he goes poop there (he hasn't yet) he'll get a small ice-cream sundae.

We have lunch with a long-time friend of my Dad's today named Molly. She's been keeping up with the family through Betty and laura over the years. I vaguely remember meeting her when I was much younger but she's changed so much in twenty years that I didn't recognize her right away. I also met her son and his wife and their two boys. We walked about raising kids and weather mostly. Between Elliot who got fussy half-way and Josh who needed potty breaks and watchfulness, it was difficult to carry on any significant discussion. I'm curious to know what my dad was like in high school. I wonder if she has any stories to tell. Perhaps in time...

Dinner tonight was low-key since we packed it in with tex-mex for lunch. We had a bag of Bertolli's pasta and asparagus with cashews. Here's my favorite asparagus recipe:

Ingredients:
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp sesame oil
1/2 tsp minced ginger root (fresh is best)
1/2 bunch asparagus stalks, ends cut
1-1/2 tsp soy sauce
1/4 cup crushed cashews

Directions:
Heat olive oil and sesame oil in large flat pan over low to medium heat. Add ginger and stir-fry until slightly brown. Add asparagus an stir-fry for a few minutes then add soy sauce and cashews. Cook until asparagus is tender, crispy and bright green, stirring frequently.

Serves 2. Cooks in 10 min.

Day One and a Half of Potty Training. I'd say we had a few more accidents than successful visits to the bathroom. Whenever Josh did go tee-tee I'd get super excited, high-five, applaud, say how proud I was, do a little dance, say woo-hoo, and even offer a treat on a couple of occasions. This however did not cinch the deal. By the end of the day, he was willfully arguing he didn't want to sit on the potty and he did end up pooping in his pants after dinner. I figured being wet and/or messy would be at least a small problem for him but he doesn't seem to mind. He walked around wet like nothing was wrong. Tomorrow we'll keep at taking him to the bathroom every 30-45 minutes and going ape when he does it in the potty. We're also keeping him off the carpet upstairs until he's better at controlling himself.

Ok, wish us luck. Day one of potty training started this afternoon. He peed in his underwear and shorts three times. Tomorrow we'll be more aggressive with taking him the bathroom and rewarding him when he goes there. No more diapers at all except at nighttime and swimming. (Although if we find ourselves going on a road trip this summer I may use the pull ups, but we'll see.) On that note, I need to do a load of laundry...


Elliot tried apples for the first time. I steamed up an organic apple then fed it to the hand blender. If you've never tasted homemade applesauce you're missing out! However, Elliot seemed to disagree. He's still sticking his tongue out at dinner. At anything on a spoon really. It started out as tongue-trusting, but now it seems to be more resistance to solid foods. We sneak in spoonfuls when he complains or laughs or makes a sound with his mouth open, but then half or more comes out again. I thinking about giving up on solid foods with him for a couple weeks or more then start fresh again. Maybe his interest will peak from watching us eat or maybe he'll outgrow his tongue-thrust reflex with more time. Either way, it'll be less messy and less aggravating for everyone!

I took both boys to their pediatrician appointment on Monday. Both are healthy and normal.

• Elliot weighs 17.13 pounds and is 27.25 inches tall. He's hit all of the milestones except he's not babbling yet and still does the tongue thrust when we feed him food. I'm hoping this will change in the next month or so.
• Joshua weighs 34 pounds and is 40 inches tall. He's met all of the milestones too. He's a skinny bugger- he's 90th percentile on height and 25th percentile on body mass index. We talked about Josh's high level of energy but she's reluctant to label him anything but normal for his age at this time.

Meanwhile, following news about color additives linking hyperactivity in children, I'm going to consciously drop coloring from the foods we buy when possible. I did a quick scan of labels this morning and didn't find much with it, although we don't have in stock some foods that Josh likes, such as Goldfish. Kaukauna Cheese has some in the Port Wine flavored, but not in the Sharp Cheddar. A few weeks ago a neighbor mentioned that she cut color out of her son's food then saw a noticeable change in his behavior. It's worth a try and certainly doesn't hurt to switch to more wholesome foods anyway.

It's eerie. Both boys have been napping since 1:30 and it's now about 4:20 in the afternoon. Both of them! I went shopping for clothes while Rusty's been chillin' at home. I fully expected to get called home shortly after I started shopping b/c I didn't expect Elliot to stay down for long. Not only did I find several new shirts and a new pair of shoes, I have time to eat a snack, blog, check email and have some conversation with Rusty before they're up. This extra time rocks!

Elliot has found a way to keep his thumb in his mouth. He's been a cuddling, thumb sucking charm all day. Here he is passed out on the floor in the living room.


Joshua's birthday balloon still has enough helium to float. Elliot loves to chew on the string when Josh isn't throwing it into ceiling fans.

Joshua tells us we need to go to the playground more. We plan to go this evening after dinner. Dinner tonight is stuffed pasta shells: ground beef, spinach, onion, parmesan and spices stuffed into jumbo pasta shells with tomato sauce and mozzarella on top, baked to yumminess.

Elliot can now sit up- yay!! I've been waiting for this milestone. The plan is to start potty training Josh next weekend. I theorize that it will be easier to help Josh and clean up if Elliot can sit and entertain himself for a moment. I'll keep you posted on that next weekend.

Josh has become a tattle-tell. He tells on his brother all the time. Mommy, look at "Adderate". He's touching me. He's kicking. He's making noise. He's got my toy. I'm sure this is only the beginning of years of tattling to come.

I took Josh to play at a nearby McDonald's for lunch. It's too hot to be outside with Elliot with no shade or water to play in. Josh befriended a 6-year-old boy there. While they played chase in the tunnels, the dad made conversation with me briefly. He first inquired about my sons' ages and asked if that was a lot of work. "I assume you have help," he said. He was asking if I was married. It was a fair question (I haven't worn a ring in 5-6 years) though it threw me for a moment. I replied that my house has way too much testosterone sometimes. Apparently he's a new single dad. We talked about boy stuff for a little bit: obsession about vehicles, mud, their energy, toys. I got Josh to sit down for a few bites of lunch between playing hide-n-seek in the tunnels and somewhere in that time the dad got a call to read a letter he'd written to his ex-wife. I'm talking about pages and pages of a letter in a legal pad. It took him nearly ten minutes to read it all! I tried not to look like I was eavesdropping because it's hard not to listen when he's sitting right next to me! I didn't catch any juicy details but I did feel sorry for the guy. My dad raised me for a few years on his own and I can imagine that was tough. Here's a double standard: if this had been a single mom, I would have offered to exchange numbers so the boys could play together again giving her an outlet for friendship and support. But because it was a dad, a single and looking dad, I had to let him go it alone. When we left, Josh and his friend said good-bye like ten times while I said good-bye to the dad hoping to myself that he would end up okay after this divorce.

Merlin was in kitty jail last night. We left him out Monday night which isn't totally uncommon though we try to get him in before we go to bed. Anyway, he was out and I didn't see him all day yesterday. We searched for him after dinner but he wasn't around. Rusty spoke to a neighbor last night just before Josh's bedtime and discovered what happened to Merlin. The neighbor apparently has an animal trap in their yard to catch other animals like, well, I can't think of any animals we have wandering around our inner-city suburban besides small rabbits and geckos. So Merlin got caught and so the neighbor called animal control to pick him up.

What ticks me off the most is that the guy didn't let the cat go. He didn't catch a raccoon or skunk or rabbit, he caught a healthy looking domestic cat. I would think a normal person would let the cat go. But no. Now we have to bail Merlin out and get him to the vet to check for fleas and ear mites. Thanks neighbor. You suck!

This was shot the day after Joshua's birthday.

Josh's 3rd birthday was a hit! We had a good turn out- 11 kids, and their parents. The kids made their own mini pizzas, bounced on the bouncy house outside, ran around, there was running, swinging, screaming (the happy kind), playing and toys scattered EVERYWHERE! It was crazy. But a good crazy. Josh loved his cake, loved opening his presents and was thrilled to see so many of his friends over to play. Logistically, I ran out of cups for the kids to drink out of and almost ran out soda and juice, but food wise I over compensated for the cake (too much).

There's a new show on Animal Planet that I love to watch. Creature Comforts is created by the same people who created Wallace & Gromit. People are interviewed and asked to speak about various topics. Their voices are then set to animated clay creatures. Bickering couples become bugs, birds, cats or dogs, friends become a group of animals, and kids are represented as baby or young animals. Anyway, the show is highly comical and relatively family friendly if your kids don't follow adult conversations well.

Tomorrow is Josh's third birthday! We have lots of fun stuff planned for him starting with breakfast at Denny's in the morning. We'll do something fun late morning or mid-day in an effort to get him down for a nap. The idea is to set up the house while he sleeps. We're expecting about 11 kids (!!) and about 15 adults plus one teenager from the neighborhood who will be our pizza chef.

I'm looking forward to starting tomorrow as much as I'm looking forward to getting past it.

I feel bad that we may have killed a bird egg. Rusty found a nest in the vents on the side of the house. I looked for an egg first and when I didn't see one, I began pulling out the nest material. Then I found it! A tiny Lima bean sized speckled egg. I knew right away this egg would either never hatch or the chick would be abandoned b/c I had ruined the nest and touched the egg. In vain, I stuffed some material back, but the bird that used to sit on our window sill at the top of the stairs hasn't been here since that day.

Next time I'll assume there's an egg and leave the nest alone. :-(

A haiku representing a typical Monday, by Sarah.

Elliot- easy.
Josh, not so- all energy.
Time to rest, unwind.

Today Elliot is 6 months old! He's grown from a tiny helpless baby into a larger still helpless baby. He isn't sitting yet, but hopefully soon. He's a rolling fiend, and drooling goblin of two teeth. He likes peek-a-boo, funny faces, music and loves watching his brother. He's wearing 9-month sized clothes and chewing on EVERYTHING. Even my shoulder sometimes.

Elliot got baptized last Saturday evening at our church. He was so adorable in his white outfit. I took the extra precautions to avoid any messes by putting a vinyl cover over his diaper and a bib on at all times except when he was up front. I don't have any pictures to share yet. He was a charm to the congregation smiling at everyone. Joshua was handsome and well behaved too. We talked about how to behave at church on our way there. He was so well behave! He didn't run, talk loud or have a fit. He sat next to us at the front then went with older kids half way through. I was so worried Elliot would need to be fed or would fuss but he didn't. He just chilled out in Rusty's arms at the back. After the service everyone in our group came to our house for sandwiches, cake and refreshments.

One odd thing- Joshua didn't nap that day like I hoped he would so by 7pm, just after we got home he told us he wanted to sleep, to make room dark and make it quiet. He then slept for twelve and a half hours! In his church clothes even. In ultimate laziness, we just let him stay in those clothes the next day.

Mother's Day was relaxing. For me. Rusty and Josh cleaned out my car inside and out, which took nearly all day. Normally I'd ask what I can do to help, but not that day! I napped when Elliot napped, ate a good breakfast that Rusty made (and cleaned up) and watched TV or read my book between child caring. I was hoping Rusty would have taken both kids out for a little bit but the timing didn't work out for that to happen.

Today we celebrated Vincent's third birthday. He's been Josh's buddy since they were babies. I can't believe how much these guys have grown up! I have to see pictures of Josh as a baby to remember those days. And in just the past few weeks he's gotten a new language explosion. Now he tells us things more articulately and jabbers on about whatever comes to mind. After I read his books and turned off his light for bedtime tonight he told me "Thank you for going on a walk with me." We walked around the neighborhood after dinner.
"Thank you for talking to me." I like talking to you Josh.
"Thank you for talking to Daddy." I like talking to Daddy too.
"I'm tired now. Are you tired too Mommy?" Yes, I'm really tired. It's almost my bedtime too.
Within thirty minutes, he was fast asleep.

In other news, Rusty seems to have honed in on his hand shaking problem. It appears to be related to a thiamine deficiency (that's the B vitamins) due in part to his body's inability to absorb it. After drinking a glass or three of alcohol every night for years, his body lacks thiamine to the point that it's causing him neurodegeneration in his arms. We never gave it a name but his nightly night-caps had the appearance of alcoholism. I've been very sensitive to this subject (those in my family know why) so I have a hard time articulating how much I detest chronic drinking. After a couple of doctors tried (and failed) to correctly diagnose his arm shaking problem, Rusty took the issue into his own hands (pun!) doing research. He came up with a theory, ran it by our family doctor then got a few prescriptions to treat his problems. He's on a new beta blocker for the nerves, an anti-depressant for stress (that one's temporary) and Antabuse to stop his drinking. That one is powerful stuff. If he drinks alcohol, he'll vomit. And the drug's effects stay in the system for weeks after he stops taking it, so he can't skip taking it for an occasional drink. We'll see how this goes. Hopefully it will help with his shaking and improve his overall health.

The school is teaching Joshua and his classmates how to say their names. This is great in theory. If they get lost, they can tell someone their first and last name. Problem is, the teacher is mispronouncing our last name so he says he's Joshua "Nej-dul" instead of "Nay-dul". After we failed to correct him at the dinner table, Rusty has promised to have a word with the teachers. Obviously the teacher's wisdom to our last name is more gospel than ours.

In other news, Elliot seemed to be cleared of his ear infection for a couple days then his other ear began filling up. So I filled a prescription for amoxicillin ad he's begun the antibiotic. Enough is enough. I'm worried his hearing could be effected. Hopefully he won't have an allergic reaction like Josh does.

We measured Joshua's height this evening. He's a little over 38" tall. That's 3 inches from last year. Afterwards, he wanted to measure Daddy so Josh told Rusty to hold one end while we looked at the numbers on bottom. It measured 84" because Rusty was holding his arm up high, the cheat. Next it was my turn. Rusty helped Josh look at numbers on the floor.
"What's that say?" Rusty wanted Josh to read the numbers. Josh huffed a second then said,
"It say mommy tall!"

- - - - -

In other news, I've prematurely started Elliot on jarred carrots. I say prematurely because I didn't finish introducing the grains, like rice cereal and mixed grains cereal. I was hoping a new flavor, something tasty, would inspire him to open wide. Uh no. He's still very stubborn about eating solid foods. Maybe this is the kind of kid who needs to start with fruits first then graduate to veggies.

Speaking of fruits, has ayone else noticed that apples aren't as flavorful as they used to be? I got apples from the grocery store last week (Wal-Mart, non-organice, Red Delicious) but half way through one of them I was totally bored. It didn't have an apple smell, it wasn't sweet, the inside had no flavor at all. It was bleh. I'm testing a theory that it's grown overly processed. I took the boys to Whole Foods to buy a couple of organic Red Delicious apples. Same size, same color, but the organic smells WONDERFUL! Problem is, it's hard to buy organic when we're trying to be frugal. Correction: I'm trying to be frugal, not necessarily we. Anyway, organic fruit (apples anyway) may be one of those items I'll have to spend extra on because it's totally worth the extra buck. We buy some things organic already (I buy organic/chemical free meat) or foods that are close enough to organic. Milk from Braum's comes from cows without growth hormones or antibiotics and the company owns their cows so they regulate what to feed them, although they don't label the milk as organic.

I got pictures from my great aunt Carolyn. There are some pictures of me that I wish never existed. And yet I keep finding those same ones over and over and over... I wish someone had just told me my glasses were too big and that bangs didn't look good on me. I suppose we all have a picture or two of ourselves that we hate.

Elliot has gotten onto a much more reasonable sleeping pattern the last couple of nights. He zonks for the night around 8 or 9, wakes to be fed around 1am, wakes again at 5am to be fed then snoozes an hour or so. I'm not sure what caused this pattern, but I'm loving it! It's much better than waking several times a night. And now I can have dreams.