Snapshots from my three-year-old's dreams:
- his teacher was blowing a whistle
- someone flying a kite
- Pop-Pop came to the house
- he couldn't find me downstairs (part of a nightmare)
- he was going down a slide
The update on Rusty's grandmother isn't great. They got fluid out of her lungs but the cancer has disintegrated her ninth rib and spread to her spleen. She's still on oxygen and isn't expected to go off. It's not likely she'll be able to travel home to be with Anne so Rusty's parents are in Las Vegas with her.
Josh is home with me today and tomorrow. Today we're spending some time with Signe and Ethan who are visiting from College Station. Tomorrow morning we have three choices of things to do: play at a playground with an old neighbor, go to a splash pad or a MOPs playdate. I'm not sure what we'll do and it'll come down to timing. Elliot's asleep now at 9am leaving us open for lunch time play. His nap has shifted this week. He's gone down early for an hour or two, will be awake through lunch and down again around three or so. That's the latest trend.
Joshua has been annoying me relentlessly. He'll ask me repatedly through the day, "Hey mommy? What are you doing?" Even when he knows what I'm doing, he'll ask anyway. Sometimes he'll ask three or four times in a row even though I haven't changed what I'm doing. Grrrr! I know this is a phase and I'm looking forward to the end of it! He's breaking rules, defying my requests and acting rude. Sometimes I want to bop him on the back of the head. Instead, I vent to my mom in the evenings and shove the kids toward Rusty when he comes home.
Rusty's grandmother, Helen Macedon, has lymphoma and is going through chemo. She had a rough patch this weekend but is now responding well to drugs and treatment and may be well enough to travel soon. Helen's wish is to move in with Anne (Rusty's mom) to be close to family in her last months and years. We suspect she's feeling lonely and overburdened with her medical problems. She and her husband Frank live in Las Vegas. Frank will likely move into a full-time care facility when he comes to Plano too. I'm preparing to do what I can to help them out when they move here until I find a job.
Here's a picture I took of Elliot yesterday.
Here's another downer: today Joshua was exactly the same age that Jason was when he died in 1973- 3 years, 1 month and 17 days old. Nothing special happened today to commemorate this although I did take a moment to gaze at Josh this morning to marvel at how much he's grown and admire his features. I can now understand how the death of Jason put a wrench into my family's heart when he died 35 years ago.
This month is all about birthdays. Today was Byron's birthday, tomorrow is Hailey's, next week is Lisa's and Nia's. I'm looking forward to Hailey's party tomorrow because her mom, my friend Carolyn, will have her newborn baby in tow and I'm anxious to see him. I just love looking at tiny newborns. And he's the only boy in my circle of friends having babies this year. One boy and five girls. It's the year of girls! I think we're done with birthdays after these. Thank God!
My brain is exhausted and it's way past my usual bedtime. Last night we played Scrabble again after the kids went to sleep. Rusty won by 4 points (205 to 201). We could have played faster but we were being competitive pushing the game to midnight. Not tonight. Buenas noches!
We celebrated our nine year wedding anniversary yesterday. Rusty took the day off and we sent Josh to day school. After dragging Rusty out of bed, we had breakfast at Rise & Dine in Addison. I don't recommend that place- the waiter messed up on our order three times and the food wasn't special. While Elliot napped after breakfast, we played a game of Scrabble. I claim we both won, Rusty says he won. But we all know I'm right in this argument. :) Later, we went to Exposure Rock Climbing. I climbed about seven times, Rusty five times. We had a great time but felt sore afterwards. My arms and areas of my upper back are stiff today. Rusty's parents put Joshua and Elliot to bed so we could go see a movie: Get Smart. It was a good film. I would give it 3.5 stars. More interestingly, I had a huricane to drink that was waaaay too strong for my lightweight cheap-date self. I was feeling silly half way through the movie, then got hiccups towards the end and felt sleepy in the last ten minutes. Not only was I up and out past my usual bedtime but the alcohol was mellowing me way out. Overall, it was a good day with Rusty. We're looking forward to next year though. Next year will be our 10 year anniversary and we're planning to spend a few days in New York City. We've got one year to save up and make it happen.
In domestic affairs, Elliot is almost crawling, but not yet. He gets on his hands and knees and rocks back and forth. The time for crawling is very imminent. He's got six teeth now- four on top, two on bottom. He's a good eater chowing down on apples, bananas, sweet potatoes, green beans, peas, Cheerios, crackers, rice cakes, even some soft chicken. His poop is getting firm too. I'm still breastfeeding him every 3-4 hours and will introduce a sippy cup by the end of the month with water. I don't want to rush him from being weened but I also want to go back to work in the winter or early spring after he's weened and walking.
Josh is going through a let-me-do-it-by-myself phase. And it's a little aggravating. But I'm also glad he's taking on difficult tasks like trying to pour milk into his cup, put on clothes and shoes, and feed the cats. He's listening in on everything we say within earshot, expressing himself better and interacting nicely around Elliot. But he's also erradict. One minute he's sweet and calm then *bam* he'll start whining and complaining about something then another minute *bam* he's asking questions over and over then *bam* he's hyper-wild-child and breaking rules.
No word from my dad concerning his health. He got a pound dog this week and has been working in the heat. I spoke to him this evening (he was sober!) and he seemed to be doing well.
Since Elliot was born, I've been migrating at night to sleep in his room on the futon. Initially I did so to sleep in when Josh woke up before Elliot. The reason has shifted now to avoid the barrage of snoring coming from Rusty. After I've fed Elliot in the night and return to bed, if Rusty's snores are too loud or too persistent, then I move to Elliot's room. I'm not sure when I'll be able to give up the futon as my second bed!
4th of July is tomorrow but we're celebrating tonight by going to Kaboom Town in Addison. It's the first time in two years we've finally been able to see fireworks up close. Last year we missed it because Josh was in the hospital recovering from an MRSA infection, and the year before we missed because Rusty had a cold. But tonight- we're on! I'm about to pack the car and get snacks ready.
Elliot is making baby sounds. He's practicing his d's and b's and occasionally a 'g' sound comes out. I was getting worried that he was behind due to his ear infections, but he's on time. He's also practicing how to crawl but doesn't know what to do with his arms yet. His legs get up under his belly but his arms don't move with them so he flops forward or to the side. Eventually he'll get the idea. But I'm not inclined to help him. I'm enjoying knowing where he is after I set him down. That don't last forever.
We've got a small thunderstorm right now. I was surprised we would get anything. :-)
We're taking a one-day trip north to see my great-aunt Caroline who lives in Hugo, OK. I haven't seen her in over 15 years. I was a lanky teen with bad hair and braces when she saw me last. Now I'm a slender adult with better hair and decent teeth. Among other positive attributes. I have a box of old family photos passed on from my grandmother, many of which are of family members I can't identify. In my effort to maintain some family history, I'm hoping she can ID a few people and maybe give me some estimate of time. I'm also looking forward to the trip for the change of scenery and slightly cooler climes, by three degrees.
I was hoping my dad would visit this summer. He made this big deal that he would come here on the way to seeing Nel's family. While I was totally excited by the idea that he would travel to Dallas to see his grandkids and us, I was also expecting him to back out. True to form he will not be coming. I'm a little glad I didn't fully expect him to actually come here, but also bummed. I had just enough hope to be disappointed. I've lived in Dallas for eleven years this summer and he has come only one time: for my wedding. Since then it's always been some reason he can't. Money. Work. Taking care of his mother. It's typical that once again I feel let down by him. One would think that in nine years he could have found one weekend, one stretch of vacation time, one two-day time off that he could use for me. Intead I've spent my own time going to see him. I can't do that as easily with the kids anymore and regret that he won't be there as they grow up. I worry they won't know who he is and then he'll be gone.
There's an unspoken hierarchy of friendship. It's a cold unspoken rule of social etiquette that once you tun your back on your girlfriend, partner, or spouse you can no longer rely on that person's friends for support in the same way you once did. Here's how it works: you make a friend who introduces you to their girlfriend, partner, or spouse. Your friend has the higher hierarchy over whomever they introduced to you. If your friend breaks up with their girlfriend, partner, or spouse, your loyalty goes to your friend, not to who they broke up with. (With rare exceptions.) Here's an example: a friend of more than ten years is facing the end of his marriage to someone I've also known for the same amount of time. He has a long history with Rusty and introduced me to her when they first met. My loyalty goes to the original friend, not his soon-to-be ex-wife. It would be imprudent to call her and maintain that friendship.
Not that I would want to anyway.
Potty training achievement: Josh went poop in the potty! yay!! But it wasn't that easy. After dinner we took him to the potty where he peed. That was good. He played a bit then dashed upstairs abruptly. As he went, it dawned on me that he was going to poop in his room, one of his preferred locations. I sent Rusty to assist him since I was holding Elliot at the time. Josh screamed and protested. I stepped in as "good cop" and helped him to the potty. After a moment he got bored and began fidgeting with the blinds. To distract him from the blinds and toilet paper, I gave him a small picture book then left him alone. A couple minutes later he shouted "I went poo-poo in the potty mommy!" I did a dance, clapped my hands, gave him hugs and high-fives then we all left for an ice-cream sundae treat. We'll try to catch him again tomorrow.
The school is taking him to the potty every 45 minutes or so and says he's getting better. I'm going to try to keep on the same timing when he's home Friday through Monday. I'll also put him in underwear those mornings to give him a chance to start out the day diaper free.
It's Father's Day! I got my dad a BBQ dinner from a local restaurant and got Rusty a concrete bench to sit on outside. He now has a comfy place to smoke and talk on the phone where the kids won't see him. I also got him a nice ceramic jar with a lid where he can store his butts. (Isn't that a lovely word- 'butt'- to describe what goes into the mouth of a smoker? I think it's appropriate. In fact, I think there should be more gross words to describe smoking. The pack could be 'coffin', the lit end could be a 'maggot', the ashes could be 'scabs'.)
We started out the day so fabulous! Last night we took Elliot to a boat party with us while Russ and Anne had Joshua over to spend the night. Apparently he was a charm and a gentleman for them. Meanwhile, we got to sleep in and snooze, do some cleaning, set up Rusty's new bench and relax a bit. Then Josh came home WIRED. It was as if someone slipped him an espresso or something. He was bouncing off the walls, running circles, going two miles a minute. (Which is 120 MPH. If you're a car.) He refused a nap so I took him swimming thinking that would wear him out a little. Oh not in the slightest. He finally chilled thirty minutes before bedtime and zonked asleep within minutes of his light going out. whew!
I host the playdate for the neighborhood om group tomorrow afternoon. I fully expect my home to get trashed but I'm looking forward to it all the same.
Rusty did some research on what the cost would be to purchase a Toyota Prius Hybrid versus keeping my car, a Mazda 3. He figures:
$937 per year in gas for Prius at 4.50/gallon (48 mpg)We're not buying a new car, not now anyway. I'm rather attached to driving a manual transmission and I own my car. When the time comes to upgrade, I'll likely go for a hybrid or fuel alternative car. And maybe not a Prius since Toyota doesn't strike me as a great car manufacturer.
$1875 per year in gas for a Mazda3 (24 mpg)
$10,345 trade in value for the Mazda
5% interest
$29,649 for new fully loaded Prius
$364/month/60 months of car payments
$78 in savings per month for gas
We took Josh to school this morning back in diapers. Rusty told the teachers we would try again later when he's more ready. They insisted that if we sent him to school with Pull-Ups that they would work with him on potty training. Everyone I've talked to who had quick success doing the potty training themselves swears that going cotton (forget the pull-ups) is the only way to go. I think they're right. But if the school is willing to help potty train him using the pull-ups then I'm game for it. I suppose there's no other way for them to do it without having pee and poop accidents.
I sent Josh to school yesterday as usual hoping he'd have some success with going to the potty since he'd be among peers that go potty and have access to a toilet his size, but when I picked him up the teacher had him in a diaper. Damn her! So I'll kept him home to practice some more. By lunch I had given up. He was less successful over the weekend and not showing any signs of wanting to use the potty. I made him clean all of his messes, even the pooped in undies. By lunch it was clear that he wasn't ready. I think it's more of a willful child issue than a knows-how-to issue. After four days, we're calling it quits and will try again in 2-3 weeks.
In the meantime, I'm telling him he wears "baby diapers" in hopes that it will sink in that he shoul be done with them.
Day Two and a Half of Potty Training. Josh did better. We started the day with no messes! Then at lunch he made up for it by peeing and pooping. That was such a- eww, yeah, let's not go there. Ok, then at naptime he didn't pee (yay!) but instead walked to our bedside to wake up Rusty who was snoozing then proceeded to pee there by the bed. We had fewer mishaps in all and more trips to the bathroom. We gave him a small ball of chocolate every time he peed in the potty along with high-fives, praising and clapping. When he goes poop there (he hasn't yet) he'll get a small ice-cream sundae.
We have lunch with a long-time friend of my Dad's today named Molly. She's been keeping up with the family through Betty and laura over the years. I vaguely remember meeting her when I was much younger but she's changed so much in twenty years that I didn't recognize her right away. I also met her son and his wife and their two boys. We walked about raising kids and weather mostly. Between Elliot who got fussy half-way and Josh who needed potty breaks and watchfulness, it was difficult to carry on any significant discussion. I'm curious to know what my dad was like in high school. I wonder if she has any stories to tell. Perhaps in time...
Dinner tonight was low-key since we packed it in with tex-mex for lunch. We had a bag of Bertolli's pasta and asparagus with cashews. Here's my favorite asparagus recipe:
Ingredients:
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp sesame oil
1/2 tsp minced ginger root (fresh is best)
1/2 bunch asparagus stalks, ends cut
1-1/2 tsp soy sauce
1/4 cup crushed cashews
Directions:
Heat olive oil and sesame oil in large flat pan over low to medium heat. Add ginger and stir-fry until slightly brown. Add asparagus an stir-fry for a few minutes then add soy sauce and cashews. Cook until asparagus is tender, crispy and bright green, stirring frequently.
Serves 2. Cooks in 10 min.
Day One and a Half of Potty Training. I'd say we had a few more accidents than successful visits to the bathroom. Whenever Josh did go tee-tee I'd get super excited, high-five, applaud, say how proud I was, do a little dance, say woo-hoo, and even offer a treat on a couple of occasions. This however did not cinch the deal. By the end of the day, he was willfully arguing he didn't want to sit on the potty and he did end up pooping in his pants after dinner. I figured being wet and/or messy would be at least a small problem for him but he doesn't seem to mind. He walked around wet like nothing was wrong. Tomorrow we'll keep at taking him to the bathroom every 30-45 minutes and going ape when he does it in the potty. We're also keeping him off the carpet upstairs until he's better at controlling himself.
Ok, wish us luck. Day one of potty training started this afternoon. He peed in his underwear and shorts three times. Tomorrow we'll be more aggressive with taking him the bathroom and rewarding him when he goes there. No more diapers at all except at nighttime and swimming. (Although if we find ourselves going on a road trip this summer I may use the pull ups, but we'll see.) On that note, I need to do a load of laundry...
Elliot tried apples for the first time. I steamed up an organic apple then fed it to the hand blender. If you've never tasted homemade applesauce you're missing out! However, Elliot seemed to disagree. He's still sticking his tongue out at dinner. At anything on a spoon really. It started out as tongue-trusting, but now it seems to be more resistance to solid foods. We sneak in spoonfuls when he complains or laughs or makes a sound with his mouth open, but then half or more comes out again. I thinking about giving up on solid foods with him for a couple weeks or more then start fresh again. Maybe his interest will peak from watching us eat or maybe he'll outgrow his tongue-thrust reflex with more time. Either way, it'll be less messy and less aggravating for everyone!
I took both boys to their pediatrician appointment on Monday. Both are healthy and normal.
- Elliot weighs 17.13 pounds and is 27.25 inches tall. He's hit all of the milestones except he's not babbling yet and still does the tongue thrust when we feed him food. I'm hoping this will change in the next month or so.
- Joshua weighs 34 pounds and is 40 inches tall. He's met all of the milestones too. He's a skinny bugger- he's 90th percentile on height and 25th percentile on body mass index. We talked about Josh's high level of energy but she's reluctant to label him anything but normal for his age at this time.
Meanwhile, following news about color additives linking hyperactivity in children, I'm going to consciously drop coloring from the foods we buy when possible. I did a quick scan of labels this morning and didn't find much with it, although we don't have in stock some foods that Josh likes, such as Goldfish. Kaukauna Cheese has some in the Port Wine flavored, but not in the Sharp Cheddar. A few weeks ago a neighbor mentioned that she cut color out of her son's food then saw a noticeable change in his behavior. It's worth a try and certainly doesn't hurt to switch to more wholesome foods anyway.
It's eerie. Both boys have been napping since 1:30 and it's now about 4:20 in the afternoon. Both of them! I went shopping for clothes while Rusty's been chillin' at home. I fully expected to get called home shortly after I started shopping b/c I didn't expect Elliot to stay down for long. Not only did I find several new shirts and a new pair of shoes, I have time to eat a snack, blog, check email and have some conversation with Rusty before they're up. This extra time rocks!
Elliot has found a way to keep his thumb in his mouth. He's been a cuddling, thumb sucking charm all day. Here he is passed out on the floor in the living room.
Joshua's birthday balloon still has enough helium to float. Elliot loves to chew on the string when Josh isn't throwing it into ceiling fans.
Joshua tells us we need to go to the playground more. We plan to go this evening after dinner. Dinner tonight is stuffed pasta shells: ground beef, spinach, onion, parmesan and spices stuffed into jumbo pasta shells with tomato sauce and mozzarella on top, baked to yumminess.
Elliot can now sit up- yay!! I've been waiting for this milestone. The plan is to start potty training Josh next weekend. I theorize that it will be easier to help Josh and clean up if Elliot can sit and entertain himself for a moment. I'll keep you posted on that next weekend.
Josh has become a tattle-tell. He tells on his brother all the time. Mommy, look at "Adderate". He's touching me. He's kicking. He's making noise. He's got my toy. I'm sure this is only the beginning of years of tattling to come.
I took Josh to play at a nearby McDonald's for lunch. It's too hot to be outside with Elliot with no shade or water to play in. Josh befriended a 6-year-old boy there. While they played chase in the tunnels, the dad made conversation with me briefly. He first inquired about my sons' ages and asked if that was a lot of work. "I assume you have help," he said. He was asking if I was married. It was a fair question (I haven't worn a ring in 5-6 years) though it threw me for a moment. I replied that my house has way too much testosterone sometimes. Apparently he's a new single dad. We talked about boy stuff for a little bit: obsession about vehicles, mud, their energy, toys. I got Josh to sit down for a few bites of lunch between playing hide-n-seek in the tunnels and somewhere in that time the dad got a call to read a letter he'd written to his ex-wife. I'm talking about pages and pages of a letter in a legal pad. It took him nearly ten minutes to read it all! I tried not to look like I was eavesdropping because it's hard not to listen when he's sitting right next to me! I didn't catch any juicy details but I did feel sorry for the guy. My dad raised me for a few years on his own and I can imagine that was tough. Here's a double standard: if this had been a single mom, I would have offered to exchange numbers so the boys could play together again giving her an outlet for friendship and support. But because it was a dad, a single and looking dad, I had to let him go it alone. When we left, Josh and his friend said good-bye like ten times while I said good-bye to the dad hoping to myself that he would end up okay after this divorce.
Merlin was in kitty jail last night. We left him out Monday night which isn't totally uncommon though we try to get him in before we go to bed. Anyway, he was out and I didn't see him all day yesterday. We searched for him after dinner but he wasn't around. Rusty spoke to a neighbor last night just before Josh's bedtime and discovered what happened to Merlin. The neighbor apparently has an animal trap in their yard to catch other animals like, well, I can't think of any animals we have wandering around our inner-city suburban besides small rabbits and geckos. So Merlin got caught and so the neighbor called animal control to pick him up.
What ticks me off the most is that the guy didn't let the cat go. He didn't catch a raccoon or skunk or rabbit, he caught a healthy looking domestic cat. I would think a normal person would let the cat go. But no. Now we have to bail Merlin out and get him to the vet to check for fleas and ear mites. Thanks neighbor. You suck!
Josh's 3rd birthday was a hit! We had a good turn out- 11 kids, and their parents. The kids made their own mini pizzas, bounced on the bouncy house outside, ran around, there was running, swinging, screaming (the happy kind), playing and toys scattered EVERYWHERE! It was crazy. But a good crazy. Josh loved his cake, loved opening his presents and was thrilled to see so many of his friends over to play. Logistically, I ran out of cups for the kids to drink out of and almost ran out soda and juice, but food wise I over compensated for the cake (too much).
There's a new show on Animal Planet that I love to watch. Creature Comforts is created by the same people who created Wallace & Gromit. People are interviewed and asked to speak about various topics. Their voices are then set to animated clay creatures. Bickering couples become bugs, birds, cats or dogs, friends become a group of animals, and kids are represented as baby or young animals. Anyway, the show is highly comical and relatively family friendly if your kids don't follow adult conversations well.
Tomorrow is Josh's third birthday! We have lots of fun stuff planned for him starting with breakfast at Denny's in the morning. We'll do something fun late morning or mid-day in an effort to get him down for a nap. The idea is to set up the house while he sleeps. We're expecting about 11 kids (!!) and about 15 adults plus one teenager from the neighborhood who will be our pizza chef.
I'm looking forward to starting tomorrow as much as I'm looking forward to getting past it.
I feel bad that we may have killed a bird egg. Rusty found a nest in the vents on the side of the house. I looked for an egg first and when I didn't see one, I began pulling out the nest material. Then I found it! A tiny Lima bean sized speckled egg. I knew right away this egg would either never hatch or the chick would be abandoned b/c I had ruined the nest and touched the egg. In vain, I stuffed some material back, but the bird that used to sit on our window sill at the top of the stairs hasn't been here since that day.
Next time I'll assume there's an egg and leave the nest alone. :-(